The Great Wide Open

Photograph © 1998 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 1998 Peggy Kornegger

When our dear cat Lily reached the end of her very long life (22 years), her health declined during the last few months. In consultation with animal communicator Teresa Wagner, and thus with Lily, my partner and I made the decision to ask compassionate local vet Dr. Jake to come to our home and help Lily make her transition in order to relieve her of any further suffering. He was to arrive around 5 p.m., so we spent the last day of Lily’s life sitting with her in presence, candles lit, soft music playing. The three of us formed a small circle, Lily in her fleece bed and we sitting in chairs beside her. She would reach her paw out to us periodically, and we would kneel and stroke her head, looking into her beautiful eyes and listening to her purr. At that point, Lily was pure soulful peace and love. Teresa herself had commented that she wished everyone in the world could know Lily and experience that extraordinary peace.

As we sat with her, that peace permeated our souls. There was really no spoken language to describe what we were feeling, except in the words of Mary Chapin Carpenter’s song about the “great wide open.” The veil between life and death had slipped aside, and Lily was indeed in that space. She gave us that final gift of resting in divine presence with her as part of the love the three of us had shared here on Earth. The sky faded toward dusk, and the quality of the light in the room became almost golden. With Dr. Jake’s assistance, Lily passed peacefully in our arms.

Now, four years later, I have come to understand the full power of what Lily shared with us then. A few weeks ago, as I sat in meditation with Panache Desai’s recording of “Being Peace,” suddenly I was once again immersed in that afternoon of peace with her within the Great Wide Open. As the tears streamed down my face, I realized that Lily had given me my first positive experience of infinity, two years before I met Panache. With his help, I have been facing a lifetime fear of infinity/eternity, and gradually, as I stop resisting it, the fear is loosening its grip, and I am able to experience something entirely different—the light and peaceful expansiveness that is the heart of infinity. Exactly what I had felt with Lily as she transitioned, radiating peace from her entire being.

The animal companions in our lives are often so much wiser than we are, if only we would open our awareness to their divine intelligence. In their quiet loving way, they teach us so much about what is really important in life: love, peace, harmony, heart connection, play. We laughingly referred to Lily as the “cat Dalai Lama” because she always absolutely insisted on a peaceful home atmosphere—no arguments, no friction or raised voices. It turns out we weren’t far from the truth. Lily truly was a small bodhisattva; she came into our lives (on Mother’s Day, no less) to share what she was at her very core—unconditional love and peace. And to show us that we too are that. Thank you, sweet Lily. We love you, always.

[Lily: March 14, 1988–January 7, 2010]

Letting Go into Flow

© 2012 Anne S. Katzeff / Artist
© 2012 Anne S. Katzeff / Artist
The idea of surrender, or letting go completely, has been key for me in opening to the larger universe and to a connection with Spirit. As I practice this in my daily life (embracing what is occurring in each moment), my awareness of an even deeper meaning has grown. Accepting “what is” is only one part of surrender. In allowing everything in my life to unfold organically—without trying, without judgment—I am also learning to trust in a universal intelligence greater than my own mind. Within that process is a subtle but significant shift: I am moving from ego-centered living to soul-centered living.

When you let your soul guide your life, you are connected to essence, the source of all that is. Whether you call it God/dess, Spirit, the Divine, or no name at all, it is the cosmic energy of which we all are a part. As I live and expand outward from the time/space line of my life, that connection becomes increasingly important to me. Some time ago, I spent several intensive weeks on retreat focusing on my wish to be in continuous communion with Spirit. What I came to realize is that that soul connection is always present within me, and when my heart is open, I become fully aware of it. My soul speaks to me through my heart.

What I also found is that gratitude immediately opens the heart. Love follows. The more I appreciated everything in my life, the wider my heart opened, and the deeper the soulful communion/connection became. My soul, through my eyes, saw miracles everywhere, in every moment. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and goosebumps covered my body. Because I perceived miracles, miracles were what I experienced. Granted, this has not been a completely uncommon experience for me in recent years as I open more and more to Spirit, but the desire for the communion to be continuous shifted everything into high gear within me. It was as if my soul and the Divine were celebrating my wish for constant connection. And all of life became a celebration.

Soul-centered awareness comes into being when you let go of control and allow something greater to guide you, trusting in the eventual harmonic resolution of all things. Soul awareness grows whenever you feel grateful for the world around you—every person, every event, every experience, whether or not your mind/ego labels them “good” or “bad.” When you let your heart sidestep your brain, your soul can move to the forefront and shine its light. Other people will see the light in your eyes and feel the unconditional love radiating from your open heart. That light and love will open their hearts too. Thus is global consciousness shifted, one person at a time.

I believe there is a small child within each of us who longs to let go, to surrender the need to try so hard to control everything. When we were very young, our souls guided us daily in effortless flow, but fear-based social conditioning often blocks that connection. To recover it is not always easy, but it is increasingly possible in a world whose collective heart is gradually opening, just as ours are. Surrender is not a one-time event, though. It’s an ongoing prayer or desire, which unfolds into deeper and deeper layers of letting go. Our longing creates the connecting doorway, and gratitude and love open the door.

Light

Photograph © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2013 Peggy Kornegger

“This is not a journey of understanding; it’s a journey of trust. It’s a journey of surrendering every aspect of you over to the light.”—Panache Desai

My life is so different than it was two years ago, even two months ago. Perhaps not noticeable to others, but distinctly noticeable to me. The intensive spiritual journey that I have been on for almost twenty years (my entire lifetime really) has become more and more expansive, to the point that boundaries often completely vanish from my perception. Limitations, too, are fading to invisibility, and mental preconceptions are rapidly dissolving. This is at least partially due to facing a lifetime fear of infinity that I had always run from (see previous blog post “Free Fall to Infinity”).

What has occurred is an opening around something that had always seemed rock-solid and impenetrable. Thin beams of light began to filter through what had been a frightening gray mass of emotional density locked into my consciousness since I was five years old. I thought I had been accurately perceiving a basic terrifying aspect of life and death: endless eternity. I came to realize that it was my mind, not my soul, that feared infinity. Beneath the mind’s fright, at my core resided profound peace. Experiencing my soul’s infinite peaceful nature, the light-filled universe within, shifted everything for me (with a little help from my friends, Panache Desai and William Blake).

Now, when I look up and sense the infinite cosmos that both the sky and I are part of, I am filled with amazement instead of fear. The very quality of the light has become infinite to me, a translucent golden that is beyond the color spectrum as we now perceive it.  The doors of my perception have opened, and I have experienced the power and beauty of something greater than my own three-dimensional mind. Sounds like a 1960s acid trip, but I assure you it is not.

I believe what is happening is I am opening to the light within me and within all of us, the radiant light that is the living vibrating essence of the cosmos. One by one, and thousands by thousands, worldwide, we are opening to this light now. It is the light of awareness, it is the light of love, it is the light of infinity. Gradually, we are becoming less attached to this physical reality that we were always told was fixed and immutable. We are beginning to see the deeper truths of what many Native Americans referred to as “the Great Mystery.” We cannot understand the secrets of the universe with our minds; we can only feel their sacredness and infinite miraculous nature in our hearts. We can be in continuous awe before the wonders of the world, including our own ephemeral presence on Earth and our eternal presence within the light.

 

Kindnesses, Great and Small

© 2012 Anne S. Katzeff / Artist
© 2012 Anne S. Katzeff / Artist

Approaching the holiday season, people begin to think more about giving and sharing, about love and peace on earth. As our global consciousness expands deeper into oneness on this planet, physical gifts and material objects seem less important than gifts of the heart. December is a month to remind ourselves that giving love is a year-round practice beyond any holiday traditions.

How does a loving heart express itself in the world? Through kindness. Through small or large acts of caring that make a difference in someone else’s life. I find that it’s the love of friends and family that sustains and uplifts me on a daily basis. For example, a dear friend in California regularly sends me the publication Positive News, which features stories about positive change on the planet. The lives and activities of the individuals therein inspire and give me hope, but I am also moved by my friend’s kindness in faithfully sending me the newspaper because she knows I love it. It may not seem hugely significant, but it is small thoughtful actions like this one that make us feel cared for.

A telephone call, an email, a greeting card, or a kind word can make all the difference in someone’s day. The simple act of listening—to a friend or a stranger—is a wonderful gift. So many of us just want to be heard, to know that our lives are not invisible and unnoted in the world. We who live in or near cities have a tendency to shut down when we’re in public because we are bombarded with so many stimuli and people. I am guilty of this. I often retreat into my own mental sanctuary so that I’m not overwhelmed by the noise and frenetic activity around me. Recently, however, I find that if I ride the bus or walk down the street with an open heart and a smile on my face, then I experience my environment entirely differently. I see the beauty in the sky, in the city, and in people’s faces. My own smile is reflected in other’s smiles, and shared words become a blessing, not a burden.

Really, the greatest kindness you can show anyone is that of seeing their inner spirit. We interact with so many people during any given day—coworkers, bus drivers and passengers, cashiers, friends, family members—the list is endless. But do we take the time to really see each person? If you look beneath the surface presentation of self, there is a unique human spirit wanting to express itself. Perhaps no one else during the day has given them that chance. Be that person. Be fully present and truly see and appreciate the special individual you are interacting with. And don’t forget to include animals in your appreciation—they too have beautiful spirits that want to be seen!

Let kindness be your first impulse this holiday season and in the coming year. What you and I experience from others is what we ourselves feel in our hearts. It begins there. Loving-kindness is not just an idea or a Buddhist meditation practice. It is a way of being in the world. It is the living heart and soul of humankind.

 

Being True to Your Soul Self

© 2010 Anne S. Katzeff / Artist
© 2010 Anne S. Katzeff / Artist
It’s challenging to be your authentic self in the world today. Marketing seems to have taken over every aspect of life. There’s been a blurring between business, sports, and daily life in the personal coaching and self-marketing phenomenon. People seem to want to be “cheered on” to greatness, yet is it authentic, soul-guided greatness, or a “greatness” defined by social values that tout fame, financial gain, and material acquisition above anything else?

Ultimately, life is not a business (or a sports event), and marketing yourself without awareness can lead to inauthenticity and an unhappy life, both at work and at home. In author Susan Cain’s recent book Quiet, she discusses the cultural bias in favor of extraverted behavior in our society. In schools, homes, and workplaces across this country, individuals are encouraged—nay, pushed—to be outgoing, super-productive team-players. Quiet contemplative solo time is heavily discouraged, and those who do their best creative work alone or who like to balance social time with solitude often find themselves as either uncomfortable full-time group participants or total outsiders.

We have lost touch with the value of authenticity, a life lived in alignment with the soul’s deepest flowering, unique to each person. It’s time to “get real,” as the saying goes. There is no cookie-cutter prototype for the best way to work and live on this planet. We need fluid social/work structures that allow for variation and individuality. Some of the most creative innovators in history did not fit in but walked their own path to greatness. It’s time we recognized this and allowed each person the freedom to expand and grow in his or her own way. Hardened social paradigms stunt individual expression and authenticity. Fluidity and flexibility open the door for all people, whatever their creative style, to be their soul selves in the world.

Of course, we’re facing a monolithic business prototype that values competition over cooperation, profit and product over people, and that too has to shift. So many men and women are caught on the hamster wheel of achievement and acquisition, but as the planet begins to rebalance itself, these values will change also. Status and material objects do not equal happiness. It’s like the old Frank Capra classic film You Can’t Take It With You, in which friendship, family, and community are found to bring greater joy (and much more fun!) than corporate boardrooms. Capra had a penchant for making those kinds of films. It’s a Wonderful Life has a similar message: money is valued only when it’s shared and can help others.

So what exactly is “real” in our rapidly changing social matrix today? Real is looking deep inside yourself and living from that soul place. There is a quiet voice within that will guide you to your own creative expression in life. In listening to and living in alignment with your inner spirit, you will “be the change you wish to see in the world.” You don’t have to wait for validation from outside. In being true to your soul self, you will inspire others to do the same, and together we will co-create a reality that fulfills our greatest dreams.