Framing Your Life

“It’s all in how you frame it,” a good friend once said to me when I was lamenting something that had recently occurred in my life. This gem of wisdom has remained with me ever since. It shifts everything when you remember to call it actively into your conscious awareness. The gist is that whatever you picture seeing before you is what you will experience. Same with hearing. My friend refers to landscapers with their loud leaf-blowing equipment as “Tibetan Buddhist monks chanting.” Completely changes the experience from annoyance to laughter, and I invoke that image when I hear them blowing/chanting outside where I live.

Actually I learned some of this from my parents. My dad tended to see first the problems that needed to be addressed and solved (weeds, a leak, rabbits eating his garden). My mother looked out the window and saw the flowers, birds, and sunrise. The optimist’s view. Not that she didn’t see problems or that my dad missed seeing the birds; together they were a complementary blending—which I inherited. And both my parents had the sense of humor that my friend showed with his monks-chanting analogy. We often laughed at such silly things in our household when I was growing up. I’ve carried those shared smiles with me from childhood on.

Now, even though I thrive most on sunshine, I’ve found that seeing rain as renewal for Mother Earth’s greenery helps me appreciate the balance it provides. When I’m running errands, if I miss a bus, I remind myself there must be a reason, so then I immediately know that the person I have a conversation with on the next bus is someone I was meant to meet. This imaginative reframing can touch every moment of life, even a breast cancer diagnosis, which I received three years ago. When I framed it in peace instead of fear, I experienced my treatment as a spiritual gateway—and a surpisingly expansive gift. Anne too is finding her own wise reframing (gratitude for life) with a similar diagnosis.

Our lives pass by so quickly. How we see the events of our days can mean the difference between regret and acceptance, sadness and joy. As each year’s end approaches, this overview can become particularly clear. To celebrate the blessing of every moment we are given in our lifetimes is to know not only wisdom but deep inner peace. And ultimately to realize the sweet intermingling of all our life experiences, creating a tapestry of light.

Nature gives us stunning visual examples of this truth all the time. When a bright yellow leaf floats to the ground in autumn, it is not separate from the leaves still on the tree or those resting below it. It is a part of the continuity of all life that flows through the year in perfect synchronicity. This oneness of being includes the air and the tree branches, the summer sun and the winter snow, the light and the dark. Life on Earth is a circular, multidimensional work of art that gives us the opportunity to experience every possible aspect of its complexity, always magical if we see it that way. Over and over, with each passing picture, I find it’s all in how I frame it.

Laugh Out Loud

pak-laugh-in-car-crop2Throughout my life, my favorite friends have been those who made me laugh. And I don’t mean a chuckle or quiet giggle. I mean full-out, open-mouth laughter, where the tears are streaming down your face and your cheeks hurt from grinning. The uncontrollable kind that keeps rolling over you every time you think of what made you laugh in the first place. If you’re with several friends, this can last for hours—you’ll comment back and forth and trigger one another into further hysterics. Like one long slumber party.

Over the years, my favorite comedians were always the wildly imaginative, slightly crazy ones like Jonathan Winters, Lily Tomlin, and Robin Williams. Or the deadpan, unexpected-twist humor of Ellen Degeneres and Tina Fey. Then there’s the situational humor of a well-written sit-com with a great ensemble cast like Seinfeld. Or comedy classics like the Marx Brothers’ Night at the Opera and Woody Allen’s Annie Hall. All have made me laugh out loud.

Laugh out loud—LOL, as we write it in our emails or social media posts. We all love to laugh. It’s in those times that we completely let go of our worries and serious opinions and just relax into sheer joy at being alive. We are in the moment, energy flowing freely. Laughter opens us up physically and emotionally and subtly clears resistance to a sense of oneness with others. When we laugh, we are sharing smiles at the silliness of taking life too seriously. If we step back for a minute and look at it, life really is a sit-com. And we are the laugh track….

I have been known to become overly serious about issues of life and death and eternity. I get lost, contemplating the great mysteries of the universe ad infinitum, until my body tenses up in fear and apprehension. My friend, and loving catalyst, Panache Desai once said to me, “Are you absolutely willing to be laugh-out-loud giddy stupid silly funny?” That was his way of getting me to chill out and let go of the seriousness. Of course, I laughed and said yes. He has a gift for making me laugh just when I’m most intent on holding onto my suffering.

My dad used to do the same thing for me. In college, when I was experiencing recurrent late-night fears of infinity, I tearfully told him, “I don’t want to live forever, and I don’t want to be dead forever either! They’re both terrifying.” He visibly struggled for an answer that would comfort me. Finally, his Irish humor broke through, and he said, “Well, you just can’t please some people!” My existential angst was dispelled with laughter—and the love that came with it.

That’s what our friends and family do for us. They crack us up/open and shine the light in with a kind word or ridiculous joke. Laughter breaks the tension. Laughter opens the heart. Laughter is chocolate and pizza and ice cream all rolled into one. Ultimately, life is both a mystery and a sit-com. Sometimes you just gotta laugh out loud at it all!