Awakened Goddess

Photograph © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2013 Peggy Kornegger

Last month, October 24 was Global Oneness Day, an online event created by Humanity’s Team and growing larger with each passing year. Speakers such as Jean Houston and Riane Eisler talked of a renaissance of oneness consciousness all over the planet and of historically suppressed feminine energy emerging through both women and men. The world balance is shifting from otherness to inclusion; from power over to power within, shared with all peoples. The time of the goddess has come.

In the feminist movement of the 1970s and 1980s, the goddess was often invoked in the form of Gaia, or Mother Earth, and the divine feminine, whose power and presence had been written out of patriarchal religions. We looked to heretofore-disregarded female attributes such as emotion, intuition, compassion, tenderness, and unconditional love as those that would help to heal the violence and separation of a male-dominated paradigm. We envisioned a transformation in consciousness itself, from either/or to both/and—the end of battling opposites. Our visions and voices were often ridiculed and undermined, but slowly shifts began to take place.

Today, we are seeing a new wave of awareness sweeping through the world. Both men and women are acknowledging the importance of female energy, infused with gentleness and empathy instead of dominance and hierarchy. Yet the soft but powerful divine feminine is an energetic essence not to be underestimated in its ability to shatter obstacles and redefine so-called human nature. Look at Diana Nyad, who at 64 years of age defied skeptics and swam 103 miles from Cuba to Florida in 53 hours, after multiple failed attempts. Her mantra, “find a way,” was pure goddess. Then there’s 16-year-old Malala Yousafzai, who was shot in the head by the Taliban because she spoke out against banning education for girls in Pakistan. After a miraculous recovery, she continued her activism, including addressing the United Nations on education for all children in July of this year. Again, goddess energy personified.

Many new thought leaders are also challenging old limitations in their visions of what is possible for women and men. Thirty-five-year-old spiritual catalyst Panache Desai (who often refers to himself humorously as a “goddess in disguise”) speaks of the necessity for addressing shadow aspects of the patriarchy that we have internalized (need for control, “better than” attitudes, intimidation/bullying), so that we can embrace the divine feminine and come into masculine/feminine balance and harmony within ourselves. Strength combined with compassion in each person. Whole human beings meeting whole human beings on equal footing and experiencing oneness. This is the long-held dream, being expressed and embodied by men as well as women in this post-2012 era.

A couple of weeks ago, I had an exceptionally vivid dream of an old abandoned church being torn down by a demolition crew and the steeple toppling into my back yard, crashing into an altar of crystals, stones, and tapestries I had created there. I rushed into the yard, only to find a young man in a dancer’s leotard with a colorful scarf around his neck carefully picking up pieces of crystals and placing them on the grass. Could there be a more obvious symbolic representation of the fall of patriarchy, the end of all previous paradigms, and the birth of something entirely new, with only small crystalline reflections of our inner shining souls to guide us? What is on the horizon is unlike anything that has come before. We are truly standing on the edge of greatness: the full flowering of our authentic selves, unpolarized, unlimited, and free. May the all-encompassing love of the goddess open our hearts to infinite possibility and global oneness.

Free Fall to Infinity

Grand Canyon, NPS
Grand Canyon © National Park Service
Some of you may recall a blog article I wrote last year called “Infinity.” In it, I described my lifelong fear of infinity/eternity and my first individual session with Panache Desai in which he took me to infinity. Unlike the mind-freezing terror I had experienced late at night at the thought of a never-ending universe, what I felt with Panache was free-floating peace and calm. No real sense of time or space; no thoughts, no emotion. Yet a comforting soft energy surrounded me. I remained in that state for hours, and the experience shifted my consciousness profoundly. The late-night fear did not occur for more than a year and a half.

This past summer, however, the terror-infinity thoughts began to recur, more and more frequently. I gradually realized that I was being prepared for the next phase in the evolution of this deep-seated fear. Consequently, I decided to take part in Panache’s 21-day program of “vibrational activation,” which consisted of daily meditations and energetic transmissions, interactive telephone sessions, and online group support. Each participant wrote an intention for the 21 days, and mine was to walk through my fear to freedom. A friend had recently told me that “terror is the final barrier to merging with God,” which actually helped give me a positive incentive for the journey.

How to explain an inner process that practically defies language? I will try. The first thing I experienced was a subtle shift in the energy around the terror, which allowed me to get closer to it than I ever had before. Usually panic took hold of me completely, and I froze. But one night I was able to access what was an integral part of the terror: overwhelming grief. Was this the sum total of life—a universe without end and an equally endless state of being or nonbeing? The despair I felt was so strong that I shut down entirely. But in a phone session, Panache sent me energy for the grief, and I was able to feel it through completely—days and days of crying at the “painful beauty” of life, then anger at the unfairness, and finally emotional neutrality and an inability to access the terror at all. I was in a holding pattern, wondering what would come next. I wrote online: “I feel as if I’m sitting on the edge of something HUGE—like the Grand Canyon with God in the middle of it. If only I could find a way to free fall into that vastness—or get someone to push me!”

Around the same time, another group member posted this quote by William Blake: “To see a World in a Grain of Sand/And a Heaven in a Wild Flower/Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand/And Eternity in an hour.” I have always loved those lines, but that evening I read them as if for the first time. The words infinity and eternity leapt out at me. World upon world opened up inside me. I realized that I had held Infinite Spirit in the pulsing palms of my hands during sessions with Panache. And I had experienced the Eternal Now in meditation, with my soul as silent witness. What we call God, or Spirit, exists as infinity and eternity and loving presence within each moment. Now is all there is, ever, and my soul doesn’t fear infinity because it is infinity. Only the mind is terrified of something that is beyond parameters, beyond thought really.

The next morning, during meditation in my back yard, I sat silently observing all the dimensions of the universe playing out magnificently within me. Opening my eyes and looking up at the infinite eternal peaceful blue sky, I felt my heart and soul as one with everything. No separation, no duality. I am the Grand Canyon and God. And life is a free fall that includes it all.

Laugh Out Loud

pak-laugh-in-car-crop2Throughout my life, my favorite friends have been those who made me laugh. And I don’t mean a chuckle or quiet giggle. I mean full-out, open-mouth laughter, where the tears are streaming down your face and your cheeks hurt from grinning. The uncontrollable kind that keeps rolling over you every time you think of what made you laugh in the first place. If you’re with several friends, this can last for hours—you’ll comment back and forth and trigger one another into further hysterics. Like one long slumber party.

Over the years, my favorite comedians were always the wildly imaginative, slightly crazy ones like Jonathan Winters, Lily Tomlin, and Robin Williams. Or the deadpan, unexpected-twist humor of Ellen Degeneres and Tina Fey. Then there’s the situational humor of a well-written sit-com with a great ensemble cast like Seinfeld. Or comedy classics like the Marx Brothers’ Night at the Opera and Woody Allen’s Annie Hall. All have made me laugh out loud.

Laugh out loud—LOL, as we write it in our emails or social media posts. We all love to laugh. It’s in those times that we completely let go of our worries and serious opinions and just relax into sheer joy at being alive. We are in the moment, energy flowing freely. Laughter opens us up physically and emotionally and subtly clears resistance to a sense of oneness with others. When we laugh, we are sharing smiles at the silliness of taking life too seriously. If we step back for a minute and look at it, life really is a sit-com. And we are the laugh track….

I have been known to become overly serious about issues of life and death and eternity. I get lost, contemplating the great mysteries of the universe ad infinitum, until my body tenses up in fear and apprehension. My friend, and loving catalyst, Panache Desai once said to me, “Are you absolutely willing to be laugh-out-loud giddy stupid silly funny?” That was his way of getting me to chill out and let go of the seriousness. Of course, I laughed and said yes. He has a gift for making me laugh just when I’m most intent on holding onto my suffering.

My dad used to do the same thing for me. In college, when I was experiencing recurrent late-night fears of infinity, I tearfully told him, “I don’t want to live forever, and I don’t want to be dead forever either! They’re both terrifying.” He visibly struggled for an answer that would comfort me. Finally, his Irish humor broke through, and he said, “Well, you just can’t please some people!” My existential angst was dispelled with laughter—and the love that came with it.

That’s what our friends and family do for us. They crack us up/open and shine the light in with a kind word or ridiculous joke. Laughter breaks the tension. Laughter opens the heart. Laughter is chocolate and pizza and ice cream all rolled into one. Ultimately, life is both a mystery and a sit-com. Sometimes you just gotta laugh out loud at it all!

The Real Magic Kingdom

Photograph © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
Last month, during the summer solstice, I participated in a very special weekend celebration called Living in the Heart of Possibility, the annual Global Gathering put together by Panache Desai and staff/volunteers. This was my third year being part of the incredible energy created by nearly 500 people gathered from all over the world (42 states, 21 countries), and it was the best yet. In Orlando, Florida, not far from Disney World, we found ourselves within a “magic kingdom” beyond anything even Walt Disney could have imagined. The magic was in our hearts—and in the connections we felt among us, individually and collectively.

In the course of three days, we had wildly diverse experiences ranging from uncontrollable laughter (Panache is very funny) to tears of release and joy. Sessions included activities that opened us up on multiple levels: yoga; improv “volleyball” with dozens of giant beach balls; full-out crazy dancing to an eclectic mix of rap, rock, kirtan, and Monty Python; ongoing sharing of life stories which often led to individual and group emotional breakthroughs (with Panache’s help); and deep inward journeys within the powerful catalytic energy that Panache transmits vibrationally. At a wonderful event on Saturday night, volunteers from our group offered free massage, Reiki, angel guidance, chakra healing, hugs, and other gifts of love to participants. Basically, we were all in an altered state of consciousness throughout the weekend—and continuing into the weeks that followed. Every small detail of life felt miraculous, every conversation deeply meaningful.

This state, filled with seemingly never-ending synchronicities and miracles, is becoming our new “normal” in the world. I have experienced it increasingly powerfully at every Panache event and every global Livestream he has facilitated online. Our lives are shifting in such a magical way that the miraculous streams nonstop now. Within this energy, in person or in cyberspace, there is a sense of profound connection and oneness—I becoming We. Inner doors open wider and wider until they fly off the hinges, and we are just in open space, expanding infinitely. Timelessness, heart-centered conscious awareness, and moment-to-moment living are not aspired to but just experienced effortlessly. During the weekend, every time I looked into the eyes of another person, there was no separation: I am You; We are One in Spirit. This is the global consciousness that is rising to the forefront of our awareness more and more as 2013 unfolds.

Unarguably, there continue to be challenging events and circumstances in the world, but there are also extraordinary human experiences in the midst of the turmoil of great change. Recent examples: the spontaneous massive demonstrations of the people of Turkey and Brazil; the U.S. Supreme Court decisions clearing the way for acceptance of gay marriage. All of it is part of the extreme polarities playing out as we move through a great shift in planetary consciousness. The hidden pain and repressed emotional density within all of us is now being experienced through to completion, and we are emerging with new clarity and lightness of being. Collectively, we are looking around and seeing family where once we saw aliens. We are stepping into a new world in which difference is embraced and celebrated instead of shunned and hated.

Don’t see it yet? It’s there, just not in the mass media or the prevailing interpretation of reality. The dominant paradigm is gradually crumbling. Look through the cracks, and you can catch glimpses of other eyes looking back. In moments of shared loss or joy, in a split second, everything shifts: I AM You. That is global consciousness, and it is our birthright here on the new Planet Earth. Soon we will have no need for Disney’s Magic Kingdom. We will be living our own magic: no kings or hollow fantasies, but real multidimensional humans expanding together into infinite possibility.

Peace, Love, and Extreme Fear

Photograph © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
Is it possible to remain peaceful when you are faced with extremely frightening events? Can you feel fear and peace simultaneously? And hold love in your heart through it all? More and more, we are living the answers to questions like these. In Massachusetts, where I live, during the 2013 Boston Marathon, residents found themselves in the midst of a terrorist drama that dragged on for five days. As fate would have it, I was away from home, on retreat with Panache Desai in Florida, during that exact time period. Within the group of 46 people from all over the world, there were several of us from Massachusetts.

We first heard the news about the explosions at the Boston Marathon when the daughter of one couple phoned her parents in tears. Remembering with a terrible sinking feeling that my partner was at the marathon, I left the session to phone her. Finally, I got through and cried with relief upon hearing her voice. In the days that followed, those of us from Massachusetts kept in touch with loved ones back home, supported by the deep caring of others in the group, many of whom knew firsthand about living with political unrest and violence in their own countries. Panache himself grew up in London, where bombings were an ongoing part of life.

During the course of the week, together we held a space of peace, love, and compassion for those in Boston as well as for those elsewhere in the world who face terrorism, violence, and gut-wrenching fear. True, we were one step removed from the events in Boston, but because many of us had family and friends there, the fear was very real for all of us. Each day brought some new painful piece to assimilate. On Friday, when I learned that pursuit of the two suspected bombers was taking place less than a mile from my home, I once again felt adrenaline course through my system. On the phone, my partner told me that the entire city was under lockdown, and she could hear helicopters flying low over the house, searching the area. It was surreal—and frightening. Yet, even in the midst of it, she and I found we were able to remain relatively calm and centered. “Breathe,” she said to me. “I’m here. I’m okay in this moment.”

And that’s how we got through the week, one breath, one moment, at a time. Feeling everything and letting it flow through our bodies. All of us in Panache’s group were experiencing our various individual fears and pain within the larger spaciousness we had opened ourselves to—allowing instead of resisting what had occurred in the past and what was unfolding in the present. I’ve found such a deep wisdom in that process. For me, it means being open to every part of life—embracing it all, every exquisite or excruciating minute. Within that embrace is a peace that helps me to live my life with less suffering and tension, even in the middle of frightening or upsetting circumstances.

Back home in Boston, I was especially moved by the stories of those who stepped forward to help others during the explosions and by the community spirit that flowed within and toward Boston from individuals and groups across the country and around the world. A One Fund was established to help those most affected by what occurred. One, oneness—it was empathy and heart-felt love that people were feeling. May that love continue to expand, and may we peacefully heal the separation that gives rise to violence.

“The greatest gift that you can offer our planet is the gift of your peace.”—Panache Desai