Category: Gratitude

Repeat the Joy

These days, in the midst of so much unrest in the world, I find myself drawn to experiences that will lift my spirits. I look for what will bring me joy: a bird, a book, a piece of music. I am currently reading Ann Patchett’s These Precious Days for the third time. It may be my favorite book of all time, certainly my favorite of hers. It consists of essays about her life, and although I love her fiction, her gift for sharing her own personal stories is unsurpassed. In the space of a few pages, I can laugh out loud and be moved to tears. In short, her books give me great joy, and I often find I want to reread them. To repeat the joy. 

Actually, this is how I’ve always lived my life: discovering new sources of joy and happily repeating many. Music and film, for instance. Anne and I often take the train to New York to see Broadway shows: Jelly’s Last Jam, Lion King, Kinky Boots, Cabaret, Fun Home, Wicked, Dear Evan Hansen.* I’ve seen Hamilton 7 times (3 on stage and 4 streaming)! Listening to, and singing along with, the cast albums is yet another relived treat. There are so many artists and songs I love: indie.arie’s “I Am Light,” Jon Batiste’s “Freedom,” k.d. lang’s “Hallelujah”… anything by Andrea Bocelli. On Christmas Eve, we watch the Frank Capra classic It’s a Wonderful Life (while eating chocolate chip cookies!). And at night before bed: reruns of The Great British Baking Show, with diverse, talented participants and mouthwatering “showstopper” creations. The perfect way to fall asleep: smiling. 

Of course, there is much more to life than books, musicals, and chocolate. One particularly vibrant and joyous thread that runs through my life is the rainbow-colored one made up of all the miracles in Nature, especially seasonal changes. The spring songbird migration, with Baltimore orioles weaving intricate hanging nests and wood thrushes singing exquisite flutelike solos. Summer lilies, azalea, and rhododendron blooming in a multitude of colors, and robins greeting the dawn. In autumn, maple and oak leaves turn golden, red, and orange, and the air is crisp and invigorating. December brings the magical first snowfall of winter. For me, the delight of each season in New England is that it comes again the following year, equally beautiful and exciting to witness.

Throughout the year, the familiar faces of friends and family, ever changing and yet so much the same, fill my life with love and caring. This is my greatest joy, celebrated and repeated over and over, both short- and long-distance. So many years of connections. My parents were with me nearly 50 years; many of my friends have also been in my life that long. And Anne, my life partner, and I have shared our lives for more than 42 years (including 22 years with our beloved cat Lily). Blessings beyond words, all that we have lived through together—and more to come.

The wonders that have touched my heart remain with me. To re-experience them is a gift, one I do not take for granted. We have only so much time on this planet, so why not joyfully celebrate every spring bird migration, every perennial that reblooms, every book or song that moves us, and every “I love you” from those dear to us? As our lives pass through us, we are given the opportunity to do that daily. I remind myself of this every morning with a prayer of gratitude for another “precious day” fully lived and appreciated. And then tomorrow… repeat the joy!
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*Saw Just in Time, the new Bobby Darin biomusical with the remarkable Jonathan Groff, last weekend for my birthday—pure joy and definitely repeatable! 

Family

There are many meanings of the word family: bloodlines, cultural background, soul connection, life friendships, and more. It has expanded over time, with human evolution and world change. When I was in college years ago, a friend introduced me to the book The Family of Man [sic], a collection of photographs of people from all over the world in different countries and cultures, showing the unity in great diversity. Since then, of course, women have been more universally acknowledged as an essential part of that family, in language as well as perceptions. Widening the definitions even further, family includes much more than humanity.

This past winter I often gazed out the window at the leafless trees in the woods across from our condo building. Their various forms were quite beautiful in the changing light of the day. Then one morning I suddenly saw them differently: as connected, branches and roots energetically interwoven. One continuous entity instead of single side-by-side trees. I could see the trees as family, living their lives together, intimately linked in time and space, just as human families are.

There have been books written about how trees communicate through their root systems, as people communicate through our hands and voices. When I thought of this, my mind felt itself expand even further so that I could picture the family of trees and the family of humans as part of an even larger family of all beings on Earth—and even beyond that: part of families of stars and galaxies. We think everything on this planet and in the universe is separate and distinct, but from a multidimensional perspective, it is a river of unbroken energy, flowing endlessly as one.

The greatest sages taught this over the centuries. Their wisdom spoke of a oneness beyond human attempts to categorize life in order to understand it. “Understanding” becomes unnecessary when we hold acceptance and unconditional love for All That Is in our hearts; that’s when true “seeing” begins. Gratitude opens the door to grace. And the universal oneness that is the essence of family.

So what if all of us saw life on Earth this way, not occasionally, but always? Trees and people and animals and flowers all one within a rainbow of light. One breath of God breathing the world. If we could see that all our “roots” and “branches” are intertwined, how could we then hate one another and fight wars? How could we destroy forests and poison the air?

I stretch my heart and soul to believe that this vision of oneness is possible. Not only possible but arising more and more, not just within the minds of poets and prophets but in average people living everyday lives. Yes, there is dissension and conflict, seemingly everywhere you look, but there is also something else: softer voices speaking of kindness, compassion, and peace. And living it. We are not entirely lost in separateness and mistrust. Our “family” is not dead. Even if we can’t feel or see them clearly, our branches and roots are still intertwined, and our hearts pull us forward to oneness. We are breathing life into this world, every one of us.

“This Is the Best Day of My Life”

Sometimes bits of life wisdom show up in quite unusual places. I’m not really a fan of so-called “reality” TV shows, but I have to admit that I have always found “Amazing Race” to be compelling to watch. Pairs racing around the world, doing various complicated and strenuous activities and tasks, competing to win $1 million. If nothing else, it’s a study of human behavior under stress. And also, most interesting to me, some very clear illustrations of how people live their lives: driven by a compulsion to always “win” at any cost or filled with the joy of experience itself. This season two young gay men illustrated the latter in a beautiful way. They are best friends, gamers, who love to play Dungeons and Dragons, so when, during a segment in Portugal, one was asked to don knight’s armor as part of his task, he exclaimed with absolute beaming delight: “This is the best day of my life!” So much happiness in just playing. I loved it.

Meanwhile, another contestant constantly complained in anger and disgust whenever he and his wife were not in first place along the way. He seemed extremely unhappy a lot of the time. A life lesson there, in those two responses. True, it’s a contrived “game” in which people are in competition to win an excessive amount of money, but the reactions of the two participants, each so different, gave me pause. I realized anew that I want to live life in celebration and not complaint.

It’s not difficult to find things to complain about these days, whether it’s increasing political conflict, physical or emotional pain, or any one of a number of life difficulties. I know that I have complained about many of them. Yet I don’t want to live my life that way. In my heart and soul, I know that life is a blessing, and there is so much to be thankful for. I need reminders at times, though, and this particular show was one—loud and clear. I thought immediately of Anne’s and my wedding day (June 2014 at Auburn Lake), where friends and family from across the country gathered in love to celebrate with us. At the end of the day, I said to Anne, “Today is the happiest day of my life.” She agreed with all her heart.

It doesn’t have to be a wedding or a TV show to remind you to see the miracles in every moment, no matter what else is going on in the world. God finds all kinds of ways to wake us up at the most unexpected times and center us in appreciation. A passing comment or an act of kindness from a friend or stranger; an out-of-the-ordinary event that moves you to tears of gratitude. For me, it’s often the sights and sounds of Nature, especially birds. There’s always room for more heart expansion, love, and compassion, if we can only remain open and accepting of all of life, however it appears. Every subtle or obvious reminder is a gift. My greatest wish now is to begin each morning remembering: “This is the best day of my life!”

Past and Present, Here and Now

I heard recently that one of my best friends from high school, Lyn, died a few months ago. I had not seen her for years, but so many memories of our teenage selves resurfaced. We laughed so much together, and yet she is gone now. At least her physical form is. I know her spirit continues somewhere in the great cosmos, but I am also aware of her absence, the end of this particular lifetime. Which of course reminds me of the lifetimes of all those I have known and loved in my life, past and present—and how quickly time passes, in retrospect. At 14, you have an entire life ahead of you. At 60 or 70, you wonder how the years went by so fast. When old friends or family members transition, it makes you appreciate those who are still alive even more. Your love and gratitude intensifies.

Last night, I lay awake thinking of my life partner, Anne, and the 42 years we have spent together. What I felt most deeply was that her love for me is one of the greatest gifts of my life. In joy or sadness, she is always there with me. I told her that this morning, with tears in my eyes. More and more now, she and I appreciate our love and the moments that make up our days and years together. Traveling the world or staying at home. Laughing or crying. All of it is such a miracle: that we found each other and have stayed together for decades. We “wake each morning with gratitude in our hearts for another day together” (our wedding vows, 2014).

And this is the yin and yang of life: grief and joy; love and loss; beginnings and endings, as well as what holds them all together, not opposites but rather one whole experience that stretches beyond past and present to infinity. And perhaps infinity is our “future perfect,” not a verb tense but beingness without parameters. It lives within our consciousness, indescribable in human language but informing all of life. We exist in the now and then, but our souls are forever.

These are the thoughts and feelings that come to me as I remember my friend’s life and look at my own life as a whole. We are so much more than we think we are, because the mind is limited in its perceptions. The soul, on the other hand, is limitless. It has no grief or fear about life and death or infinity because it is infinity. Deep within, we can feel a connection to that wise soul essence, which guides us through our human lives. Even as I grieve the loss of a lifetime friendship or celebrate a lifelong love, I am also touching the threads of a cosmic tapestry that is eternal. From that soul-full place arises peace and a trust in the perfection of All That Is, here and now, forever.

Find Something to Celebrate

Every morning, I look for something to celebrate. Something that makes me smile or laugh. Something that fills my heart with gratitude. At times, it can seem unlikely when each day’s news headlines bring something to feel fear or sadness about. Yet there is much more to life than those unsettling news stories.* I’ve discovered that my path to inner peace and optimism lies in looking for something positive to focus on. Something to celebrate in the world, rather than shed tears. It could be my partner’s sweet smiling face; her beautiful artwork. A neighbor’s kindness or a friend’s sense of humor. A Mary Oliver poem. Jon Batiste at the piano. Often it’s in Nature where I discover the inspiration to continue believing life is good.

One day last week my celebration was a flock of robins eating ripe red berries from winterberry trees as I walked by. Hearing them excitedly calling and flying all over in the cold winter air was such a thrill! I love robins—their rosy breasts and bright eyes. When I was growing up in the Midwest, we always thought of them as harbingers of spring, and they still hold that energy for me here in New England. New beginnings, sunshine, birdsong.

Yesterday I heard the warm-up notes of a male cardinal’s spring song. Every year in January or February those first “rehearsal” notes are heard here in Massachusetts. It’s not a rise in temperatures that triggers their song; it’s seasonal timing, the shift into a little more light each day. Gradually, spring is coming, and all the birds sense it. They too celebrate the “return of the light,” as humans do at the solstice.

Bird or human, the light connects us to life, to the positive overview. When I look out the window and see the morning sun sparkling on the trees (whether snowy or spring green), I feel the magic of the unexpected beauty that Nature brings us again and again. Every season moves us through our lives with new and exciting moments of wonder. Even if somewhere in the world there is harshness or hatred, here there is softness and love.

I never tire of the dynamic energy of winter transitioning to spring. It always gives me hope that whatever may be weighing on me can be lifted instantaneously with singing birds and blooming flowers, longer hours of sunshine and warmer temperatures. Winter holds us gently in hibernation and rest; then spring opens the door to the light, and our bodies and spirits move with renewed energy in the world again.

 When you smile with delight seeing bright yellow daffodils or hearing a wood thrush’s ethereal song, your smile may then touch the heart of the next person you meet…perhaps then continuing onward, person to person. In this way smiles can circle the globe, hearts opening along the way. Celebration can be as simple as that, and it changes everything. In your day and in your life. So wherever you find something to celebrate, in the wonders of Nature or the eyes of a loved one, hold that feeling of joy and appreciation in your heart, and it will switch on the light within you and in the world.
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*Read about everyday people living their lives for a gentler, more peaceful Earth at “Good News Headlines,” https://www.spiritofchange.org/.