Category: Inner peace

Losing Your Self

Photograph © 2014 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2014 Peggy Kornegger

What does it mean to lose your self? People talk about losing themselves in their work, or in music, or in a movie. This refers to a merging of the individual self with an experience that is completely absorbing. Another connotation is that of losing yourself in another, a kind of loss of identity, implying dependency or instability. What do these two have in common? Perhaps that they both refer to the personality self, as opposed to the soul self. The personality self is connected to the ego and can be in constant flux; the soul self, on the other hand, is always steadily present and can never be lost.

So what happens if the personality self loses itself within the soul self? Well, now we’re entering the realm of spirit, and the conversation can get really interesting. The personality is shaped by the struggle to live in the real world, to cope, to survive, to “rise above” life’s trials and tribulations. In many ways, the personality “just wants to have fun.” It seeks out pleasurable experiences and avoids unpleasant ones, not always successfully. Thus human suffering. Meanwhile, the soul is in the background, witnessing it all. When the personality suffers, the soul is at peace. Sounds like an impossible situation, but it isn’t really, because if the personality can connect to, or merge with, soulness, it too is at peace, no matter what experiences or emotions arise. That has been the quest of spiritual seekers through the ages.

In today’s world of rapidly accelerating change and radical shifts in beliefs and behavior, nothing is certain anymore. Certainly not a “personality.” People change overnight, or seemingly so. Beneath the surface, something greater is transpiring. We are living in a time of soul discovery, or perhaps soul recovery. Within the larger framework of changes in social consciousness, individuals are increasingly being drawn to the idea of authenticity, of living their true selves, not who society has always told them to be. And when the focus is authenticity, what’s really going on is soul connection. You can’t be your authentic self and be disconnected from your soul. This is the paradigm shift we are living into.

So are we all really losing our selves now, as the world also seems to be losing itself? That would actually be the best-case scenario. To lose your fabricated self within the wisdom and peace of your soul would probably be the most life-affirming thing that could happen to you, and to the world. Because as each person aligns with their authentic soul self (and in conjunction the love that resides in their heart), a connection to something greater also occurs. And in that greater connection is universal sisterhood and brotherhood, or oneness. A oneness that encompasses all beings and Mother Earth herself.

In losing our selves in this way, we are not really losing anything. The personality can live in harmony with the soul, and we can all live in harmony with one another. At the level of spirit, or soul, there is no separation. In truth, we came to this planet as souls for the extraordinarily diverse experience of being human—every poignantly sweet moment from birth to death. And within the trajectory that is life on Earth over the millennia, we have now reached the evolutionary point of complete soul immersion: living as conscious spirit in physical form. So celebrate the re-union of personality and soul. It is truly one of the greatest gifts you could possibly receive—or give to the world.

 

 

Neutrality and Inner Peace

Photograph © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
The word neutral can be used in many contexts. Beige is a neutral color. A car in neutral is not moving. Switzerland was a neutral country during two world wars. In the dictionary, the first definition of neutral is “impartial.” If we give the word a spiritual application, we could say that the soul is neutral. In other words, it is impartial. It is just quietly witnessing life as it unfolds. While the personality or ego may react strongly to people or situations, the soul just observes it all without attachment to any particular outcome. The soul experiences life through us, but it does not have opinions about anything that transpires.

The soul abides in neutrality. It is not at war with our experiences. If you allow your soul to move to the forefront of your being, you can be at peace with everything within and around you. You can accept all emotions and events with equal receptivity. You will not be thrown by circumstance, and you will refrain from labeling things as positive or negative. Inner peace arises from neutrality, impartiality—from soul connection.

Which doesn’t mean that your humanness is permanently disabled or on hold. It just means you have cultivated a connection to your soul that creates awareness. That greater awareness gives us pause, literally. You may be upset by something, then immediately become aware of your reaction, and take a moment to breathe and center yourself in acceptance, neutrality. Accepting your feelings too. It may take longer than that for awareness to resurface, but the more we connect with our souls on a regular basis, the more we become immersed in inner peace, no matter what else is going on.

Connecting regularly to the soul is a practice. It can be meditation or walking in nature or just becoming aware of your breath during the day. The soul, the spirit in all things, is always patiently waiting for us to connect. A quiet moment, a deep breath, a stunning sunset, and you are connected—soul-centered and aware. Calm, receptive, neutral. At least that is my own experience. I find that the more frequently and consistently I do one or all of these things, the more aware I am—and the more peaceful.

In recent weeks, as I’ve dealt with ongoing uncertainty about an eye diagnosis, I have repeatedly been drawn to silence and inner reflection, which allows my soul to surface and soothe my humanity with its expansive awareness. Life is constantly changing, never just one thing—simple or complicated, easy or difficult, comic or tragic. It is all of these, and in embracing all of them, we can flow with whatever arises, day by day, moment to moment.

When I see my life as part of something much larger, a soul within infinite beingness, always evolving and expanding, then I am better able to relax into neutrality. Human concerns are real but they are also illusory within a greater context. We are infinitesimal cells of a living consciousness that spans universes. There is a Great Mystery before which we will always remain unknowing. If we open ourselves to soul awareness, that unknowing will not faze us, for we will be grounded in an inner peace that transcends understanding. God too abides in peaceful neutrality.

This Moment

Photograph © 2012 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2012 Peggy Kornegger

Life experiences involving loss, pain, or fear, which we all encounter at one time or another, may throw us off kilter at first. We are often so attached to a particular static version of reality that we cannot accept change of any kind. But if we remain open to the totality of what is before us, we can access a greater wisdom: Life is both fleeting and eternal. We can see this seeming dichotomy with more clarity in times of difficulty or challenge. The tenuousness of life hits us full force. We realize that all we ever really have is this moment, but it contains all of eternity within it. With that awareness, we can appreciate every single second as if it were our first or our last. We can “hold Infinity in the palm of [our] hand, and Eternity in an hour,” as William Blake has so eloquently written.

The uncertain health diagnosis about my eyes that I’ve been living with over the last weeks has placed this wisdom front and center in my life. If I race forward in my mind with what-if scenarios or retreat backward into fear and regret, I have lost the moment that is right in front of me now. No matter what events are transpiring, this moment before me contains all of life. All of it, both extraordinary beauty and acute loss. When I can hold both of those parts within me in a complete embrace of acceptance, I am at peace. If I can witness my life as it unfolds, without judgment or expectation, fully grounded in the present moment, I am free.

It is not always easy, and I am not always calm and centered, but an ongoing practice in stillness and conscious awareness has helped me tremendously. As I sit in silence, breathing slowly and deeply, I open to an expansive awareness that is observing and experiencing the world through me. This awareness at the soul level is completely neutral, peaceful, and unlimited. It is pure spirit, pure love, in the largest sense of those words. Within that space, there is no struggle. Everything is just as it is, in perfectly orchestrated symmetry. Peace of mind, peace of heart and soul.

As I have faced the fragility of my own body and my own life, I have come to an ever-greater appreciation of each moment. I have surrendered again and again to uncertainty and shifting sands. It’s truly a never-ending practice, letting go into not knowing anything, into living each moment fresh and innocent of opinion. Adyashanti calls this “falling into grace.” And grace can be gentle or cutting; it will open your heart in whatever way it can. For with an open heart, we live in gratitude. We live in love, not fear. And that is why we are here on this beautiful blue planet, in this infinite universe.

My journey is not complete, nor will it be complete, ever. I continue to open my heart (and have it opened for me) in gratitude, embracing more with each breath, with every experience. In this moment—the fleeting and eternal now—I am grateful for all the blessings that fill my days: Light and darkness, sadness and joy, silence and sound, movement and rest. The flow of giving and receiving all that life so generously offers us. When I allow myself to stand naked and awestruck, freed of assumptions, before the vast universe, realizing my cells are intermingled with the stardust from distant galaxies, I clearly see and feel the oneness of which we are all a part. A oneness encapsulated in every single grace-filled moment.

 

Surrender the Outcome

Photography © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
Photography © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
In the last month or so, I’ve been coming face to face with issues related to my physical body–specifically an eye diagnosis and more frequent migraine headaches. Since I am simultaneously participating in a yearlong accelerated program with Panache Desai, I’ve learned to look closely at everything I experience as part of that acceleration: What part of my soul’s journey is now being highlighted? I sometimes ask “Why?” too, but that question can be a distraction if it arises from fear or a sense of unfairness. What’s happening is happening; if I can accept and embrace it, the experience becomes fully integrated into my life.

So what about uncertain health diagnoses or physical pain? That is what is before me now. As humans, we resist this experience. I certainly have. So perhaps that is why it’s accelerating. Until I can fully accept all aspects of my physicality as part of my life experience, I will continue to suffer on some level. My human mind wants perfect health with no pain, so every time I am faced with something short of that mental construct, I resist what I am experiencing. The outcome that I hold tightly to is preventing me from flowing with my actual experience. The more I resist, the stronger the pain or unease.

It’s about surrender again, at a deeper level. I am being guided to release attachment to any outcome whatsoever. Perhaps even to reality itself. I’ve watched my eye diagnosis shape-shift over the past month or so, depending on which doctors I saw and which test they were looking at. Perhaps this particular health scenario is an encapsulated version of all of life. What we view as reality is always changing. Ultimately, everything is a continuously shifting illusion that we create in our minds (individually and collectively) to experience life as it passes before us. More simply: life happens; we then assign meaning to it, spinning the illusion of reality out of thin air. If we assign negative meaning, we are unhappy. If we assign positive meaning, we are pleased. But if we just observe life from a place of spacious awareness, allowing it to be a divinely orchestrated mystery, then we experience inner liberation.

There is a profound freedom in no longer being tied to specific outcomes or ways of seeing the world. In doing so, we are entering the realm of the soul, the god consciousness that lives within. Our souls have no opinions or agenda. They are just witnessing life peacefully, here solely for the experience of it and their own evolution. When I open to my soul’s full emergence, my mind steps into the background and releases the reins of control. I am no longer mentally committed to any particular version of reality; I’m just “along for the ride.” I begin to flow with life.

Not the easiest path to access, especially when facing health issues, as I am. The external world continually pulls me in the opposite direction. Still, when I take time to connect to my own inner peace, I am less tightly tied to outcome. I feel lighter, freer, more open to all possibilities. Many of us are facing crossroads like this in life. I believe that is one reason we are here on this planet at this particular time: to finally let go of the mind’s centuries-long control and allow the soul to be the divining rod of our earthly lives. To release the illusion of certainty and embrace an ever-evolving mystery. May we all find our way home to that very wise, soulful part of ourselves.

 

The Unexpected

Photograph © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
Crises or challenges enter our lives unannounced, sometimes in the midst of great happiness or peaceful contentment. A relative dies, a life partner loses a job, or you yourself receive a frightening health diagnosis. The latter happened to me a few weeks ago, and I am still regaining my equilibrium after the impact of it. In each of these scenarios, we are facing the unknown—life without a loved one, life without income, life without optimal health. In my case, the diagnosis was about my vision (inflammatory eye condition), which was shattering to me because I love the world through my eyes. I celebrate its beauty and wonder, its miracles. I am also a writer and a lifelong avid reader. What would I do if I lost my full range of vision, this deep connection to the world around me?

We take so much for granted in life. Our ability to walk, to hear, to see, to touch and taste—all such incredible blessings. If we lose any one of them, even temporarily or partially, it is shocking. We feel vulnerable, uncertain, fearful. And unfairly robbed of something so integral to human life—seemingly. Yet, so many individuals live without complete access to one or more of these abilities, and they live full rich lives grounded in gratitude. Yes, you may say, but I don’t want to face that kind of challenge. That is the kicker. We want, and expect, life to be a certain way, and we are devastated when it is not. We learn over time—if we are wise, if we are open—to accept “what is” as life unfolds before us, moment to moment, completely outside of our control. Because if we do not, we suffer, and we hang on to our suffering.

Loss is part of each of our lives here on Earth. We don’t escape a lifetime without being touched by some kind of sadness or pain. But extended suffering is optional. We can grieve without holding onto the sorrow tightly and tormenting ourselves with “what ifs.” We can allow the tears to flow through us and cleanse us of our grief. Every emotion we have, if experienced fully, can free us of suffering. If I can let life be whatever it is, my suffering softens and eventually dissolves. If I sit quietly in stillness, I get in touch with the calm peace that resides at my core. I often find this to be true yet learn it anew with each challenge that arises. In this case, my eyesight. The situation continues to be filled with unknowns, and each new doctor’s appointment brings more shifting realities—and more waiting (to see if any change occurs). I find I have to repeatedly dig deep for patience and acceptance. I move forward one step at a time, reminding myself to feel everything and still remain open.

Dear friends and family, and one particularly kind doctor, have also helped me tremendously.* Again and again, the empathy of friends and strangers alike brings me back to some sense of balance and relationship to everything. Because not all of life is loss or fear of loss. Life is also connection. There is so much beauty and love in the world everywhere, visible and invisible. Other people reached out with kindness and caring when I most needed it. Love guides us out of solitary sadness and isolation and shows us our commonality with all of humankind. The sweet tenderness of shared experience, of heartfelt understanding and compassion, makes life worth living. That is why we came into this lifetime—to feel that essential oneness in the midst of our separate life challenges, our fears and our sorrows. We are here to love one another into wholeness—one whole human family, living unpredictable, uncontrollable, but always deeply connected lives.

*My heart’s deepest gratitude especially to Panache, James, and my partner Anne for their love and support.