Category: Inner peace

Internal Weather

What if the weather outside your window is actually a reflection of the weather conditions inside you? What if your perceptional framework for viewing life shapes everything, including how you see physical conditions such as rain, snow, clouds, and sunshine that appear to be outside you? What if nothing is quite as it seems to be to the mind? What if the world is as you are?

Ever since I was a small child, I have carried within me an at-times-overwhelming grief about the nature of life, death, and eternity. The “human condition” terrified me; infinity terrified me. Late at night, I described my fear to my mother as “the world goes on forever and ever.” She comforted me and tried to help me learn to distract myself with happier thoughts. But the core unease never really disappeared. In college, I found infinity hiding inside my astronomy and philosophy textbooks. Fear of death and whatever came after was always hovering in the back of my consciousness. In my 30s, I turned to a spiritual quest to try to resolve it. That was the beginning of a shift in my perception.

Over the years, I came to a much broader view of life and of God’s presence in the universe. I have experienced a vast inner peace arising from my soul. At times, when I am completely immersed in it, the peace is as infinite and all-consuming as the fear once was. I “know” with every fiber of my being that infinity is actually divine love, which permeates every aspect of life. There is nothing but infinite consciousness expressing, always, everywhere in the cosmos. It is inside me and outside me, and actually there is no inside and outside. There is a seamless Oneness to all Being. This is what I experience, and within that is peace.

Yet there are still moments, usually late at night, when the fear arises, and a tremendous grief accompanies it. Some people are comforted by the idea of eternity; I am terrified by it. Now, however, I have come to see it as a catalyst for my soul’s evolution in this lifetime. It propels me ever deeper within and connects me to divine Presence, which lives as peace in my soul. My human grief also lives inside me. Depending on my state of mind, I can see that grief as separate from and larger than the peace or as only a small part of it. I realize that my humanity is actually how my divinity experiences itself on Earth. My human life pushes me further and deeper on my soul journey, until I completely merge with God consciousness.

Meanwhile, there are times on this path, this journey, that the catalyst of fear awakens me to a new level of awareness about the nature of reality and my life in it. I begin to understand that my perceptual framework (which interprets the world around me, and how and what I see) is dependent on whether I am in human fear or divine peace. And the seeming separation and polarity is actually for my own expansion and growth. Eventually, I will abide in peace without the interruption of fear or grief. The wisdom deep in my soul tells me this, and I trust it as the expanses of peace in my daily life become more and more seamless. When the old grief or fear arises, it is clear to me now how they can shape my perceptions. Rain and snow are just experiences; life and death are just experiences—all of them part of the soul’s journey in this world. If I see them as miracles, that is what they are in my experience. And grief gradually dissolves within Presence.

The Disappearance of “I”

Photograph © 2020 Peggy Kornegger
What would my life be like without me? Well, for one thing, it wouldn’t be “my life.” It would just be life—being, expanding, evolving. Exactly what it is without the filter I apply to it with “my.” As I continue along the path my soul has chosen for this lifetime, I see more clearly the limitations of language. “My” is a convenience for conversation, but the possessiveness we feel about so much in life is reinforced by that simple two-letter designation. In fact, nothing is mine. Even my soul is not really mine, nor is God. There is a limitless universal Spirit that we are one with, beyond description or possession. Caught up in “me,” “I,” and “mine,” our vision is restricted, dead-ended. Many times, our identity is so busy defending itself and its viewpoint that we can’t see the beauty and wonder around us or the love in the hearts of those closest to us. We lose friendships in arguments and misunderstandings.

Humanity seems to endlessly struggle to come to a peaceful resolution of conflicts everywhere in the world, especially now. Perhaps the greatest wisdom is that peace can only be found within, which is where it begins. Without inner peace, world peace is unreachable. In my own life, I am most at peace when “I” disappears. That occurs in stillness, in Nature, in empty spaces with no busyness. A global pandemic has provided us with those opportunities, if we recognize and explore them. Try living life without the distraction of possessive labels and perceptions. Walk through your day as if you had no ego, seeing everything without pronouns, maybe even without nouns. Empty of self. In peace.

The whole world is born in emptiness. From formlessness: form. The infinite potential of Source energy created a visible universe within which we find our way back to our beginnings. Every part of the material world is a form of living light that fills our human experience with richness and radiance. We too are light, and we are now awakening to that awareness. Many people discover a connection to their own inner light when they face the disappearance of the familiar and predictable in life, something we are now seeing on our planet. Within that opening, the soul’s presence is often revealed, and the self begins to fade.

When “I” disappears, there is only light, the light of Universal Soul that infuses our lives. That is our Home. Is it possible for us to experience each moment of our lives as that light? To see the light of Home everywhere and in everyone? I believe it is. In the past few months as so much has fallen away in my life, I have known moments of peaceful soul presence that flood my entire consciousness, becoming more frequent and lasting longer. I am not alone in this; it is a collective deepening and expansion. Soon we will meet one another as light beings (the truth of who we are) in all parts of our lives. This is our destiny, we divine/human souls on an evolving blue planet slowly spinning in the cosmos. When “I” and “my” fade into the background, peace arises, love arises. And we are Home, together, as one.

Nothing and Everything

Photograph © 2020 Peggy Kornegger
Sometimes the twists and turns of life on Earth can feel like loss or emptiness, especially now. Yet the greater significance of our experiences may not be completely understood when they occur. Time brings perspective. There are no mistakes, and we are never really lost. Everything we experience provides an opening into greater awareness and an opportunity to grow and trust in the trajectory of our own lives.

Two years ago I moved from Boston to Florida, primarily to live closer to several friends. Within a matter of months, the friends unexpectedly began to move to other states. The ostensible “reasons” for my divinely guided move (and it did feel that way) evaporated into thin air, and I searched for another reason to be here. Things that I tried just didn’t feel right. I spent more than a year watching parts of my life fall away to nothing all around me. What remained were my spiritual practice, my writing, my dear partner Anne, and my deep connection to Nature. The essence of my life really, and I appreciated them more than ever.

Still, I felt lost and “homesick” a lot of the time. By year’s end, I had become closed and cranky, feeling let down by friends, life, and God. Why was I brought here in order to lose so much? Ah, that was the key question that unlocked the closed door of my heart. Because as long as I saw only loss, letdown, and emptiness, that was my experience. As 2020 began, I intentionally “reset” my consciousness to accept all that had happened as part of my soul’s journey in this lifetime. I let go of expectation and disappointment and chose to trust that everything was unfolding perfectly, even if it didn’t look that way on the surface. Gradually I re-centered. Then came COVID-19.

What might have been yet another setback and reason to fall into despair actually became a catalyst for me to surrender at an even deeper level. I gave up every illusion of egoic control or planning in my life. As the world completely shut down in fear and uncertainty, I realized that something “greater” had put humanity in a timeout. There were divine forces at work on the planet that were more powerful than human “will power.” And my own life was part of the same cosmic flow. As I came to this awareness, a tremendous peace came over me. I settled into my soul’s perspective, my soul’s peace. And I have not left, even when I feel uncertainty or sadness about world events. Inner peace is always present in the midst of whatever else is occurring, and a broader understanding will eventually arise.

Over the past few months, as I’ve followed a daily meditation practice* and taken long walks in Nature, my feelings of peace and spiritual connection have deepened. I can see that these extraordinary global circumstances are part of an acceleration of planetary shifts in consciousness. It is time to let go of our mind-oriented, will-driven, egocentric ways and open to heart-centered, flowing cooperation and compassion. Our Earth home cannot survive unless we come back into harmony with our hearts and souls—and with one another, across differences in race, nationality, gender, age, and beliefs. We are being called to awaken to our own inner soul potential and create an entirely new paradigm of living on this planet.

The vast emptiness that many of us have been staring into in our lives is exactly like the infinite cosmos—full of possibility. Out of emptiness arises the entire universe, filled with energy and light. The mind fears infinity, but the soul is completely at home there. When we shift to soul vision, we see that within the “nothing” of infinity is a Presence that holds everything in loving awareness, and we too feel at home. Emptiness is full, ever-unfolding. We ourselves are ever-unfolding. Only when nothing opens up in our lives can we truly see that inside it is everything. And we begin to live from the infinite potential within us, which is our soul’s gift of love to the world.
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*Gratitude to Panache Desai for his online morning meditations and to Deva Premal & Miten for their afternoon meditations/music during this time.

The Last Attachment

Photograph © 2020 Peggy Kornegger
In the course of our lives, human beings form attachments to events, people, memories, feelings, beliefs, experiences, physical objects, and much more. If we choose at some point to follow a spiritual path, we learn, sometimes quite painfully, to see the impermanence of everything and to let go of many of those attachments. One of our strongest attachments is to the personality we have constructed over the years and the stories we tell ourselves about our lives. Lives that are in reality ephemeral and transitory—a truth never more poignantly visible than in the past few months as humanity confronts death on a daily basis because of the coronavirus. We are taking a collective crash course in letting go—of everything.

The very last attachment in life is to our physical form. It keeps us tethered to Earth and if held onto too tightly may prevent us from experiencing the seamless connection between the physical and the spiritual. Between humanity and divinity. However, when you step into the free formlessness of the soul, of living with and within God, you begin to flow with life and eventually let go of hanging on so desperately to your physicality. This may happen fully only at your death, but if you are fortunate, you may experience it in life as you open to the greater wisdom of nonattachment.

Over the past year, I have faced the unexpected early deaths of several good friends. Such losses seem to increase as the years pass, and we look at our selves and our lives with a new awareness of the fleeting nature of time. In childhood, we have a whole life of endless days and nights ahead of us. As we grow older, the days appear to shorten and the years pass more quickly. In counterpoint, our bodies slow down, and we realize there is no reason to rush through the days and years. This is precious wisdom, moving us gradually to releasing attachment to time and physicality. But now that process has been accelerated for everyone. When people are dying by the thousands everywhere on the planet, there is no time for gradual acceptance. The last attachment is front and center all the time.

How do you navigate that awareness so that it infuses your life with wisdom and not suffering? How do you come to accept the deaths of loved ones and/or your own eventual death? Perhaps this global acceleration has been given to humanity to help us to face all of life’s beginnings and endings with peace instead of panic. To fully realize the preciousness of each moment and live from love and acceptance rather than judgment and attempts at control. We are here on Earth in physical form for a split second in time. Yet our nonphysical souls live forever in eternity. If you open to connecting to that soulful presence within (through whatever spiritual practices resonate with you), you access a timeless inner peace that is not attached to your body. That experience can sustain you through life’s most challenging moments.

When you begin to see everything from your soul’s perspective, moments of peaceful connection can multiply and become continuous. Much of the suffering that arises from attachment to a fixed predictable “reality” will gradually dissolve, and you can be more allowing of life, even in times of crisis. Maybe the entire world is now learning to accept the process of living and dying as part of a greater spiritual unfolding in the universe. Our physical form is just a temporary costume. In truth, life at its very core, you at your very core, are Spirit, which is eternal. When you are no longer so “attached” to external physicality, you begin to experience that inner loving connection as a constant companion.

 

Where Is Your Home?

Photograph © 2020 Peggy Kornegger
The coronavirus mandate to “stay at home” has meant different things to different people. For some, it has meant freedom from external-world busyness and distractions and a return to inner peace and quiet. To others, it has felt like unwanted confinement and loss of in-person social contact. Some have lost their jobs and incomes; others, like healthcare workers, have had no choice but to leave the “safety” of home to provide critical services, despite the risks. All of us are suddenly facing issues of life and death. Our entire world, inside and out, has changed radically and continues to do so. In the midst of these huge ongoing changes, what does home mean?

Is home a place, or is it other people? Is it simply “shelter” or something much deeper, within you? Many of us have found ourselves considering such questions. When death appears at your doorstep, it is hard to ignore. Losing a loved one or facing the possibility of your own death is traumatic. You long desperately for solace and comfort, something that “home” has traditionally provided. But what if you are homeless, or you live in fear of losing your rented apartment because you no longer can pay for it? What if, even inside your seemingly secure home, you feel insecure and lost? How do we handle such painful, often isolating experiences?

Perhaps it’s possible, going forward, to feel at home within ourselves, whatever the situation, through the power of connection. Connection to other people, near or distant, gives us shared experiences and shared support, both individual and community. Connection to Nature takes us out of our own worries and fears and opens our hearts to the living world around us that we may have ignored or taken for granted. A peaceful walk in a park seems like a tremendous blessing right now. As does time spent with family, friends, and neighbors. These two are inseparable connections, and they can assist us in finding a sense of “home” and inner peace in the midst of uncertainty. As we navigate the future, we will be sustained by the ways we work together to make the world more livable for everyone as well as by the way we honor Mother Earth.

Equally important is a connection to something greater, beyond this lifetime, beyond all lifetimes. Whether you call it God or Goddess, Source or Mystery (or have no name at all for it), there is a loving Presence that permeates our material world and holds us all in its awareness. We carry that Presence within us; it is in our hearts and souls. It is in the love we share with others and the appreciation we feel for the Earth’s beauty. This is the Home that is infinite and eternal. It is who we are, we human spirits in physical form. During times of great crisis, people often begin to explore this aspect of themselves, the part that can never die or be lost. Here is the comfort we seek when everything else seems so tenuous and uncertain.

We can find courage and sustenance in connecting to our souls. We can also be more at peace with the unknown if we feel that connection. Yes, we have been facing fear and aloneness. Yet something else has been awakening: a soulful energy that emerges when we live our fullest, most loving expression in the world. When we sing in the night to our neighbors or care for the sick and helpless or share our deepest thoughts about life with a friend, the heart of the world is healed. Each of the ways we live love moment to moment is a unique, unrepeatable contribution. This global crisis could be a catalyst to help us remember the home of Spirit within ourselves, which connects us to all of life.