Category: Spiritual

Life Review: A Preview

When you reach the end of your life, you won’t look back and wish you had made more money, owned a condo in Aspen, or won a Pulitzer prize. None of that will matter. What you will see is all the people you interacted with in your lifetime and how you affected them. In a split second of life review, you will experience yourself as others experienced you and how they felt in being with you. You will know firsthand the love, caring, hurt, or thoughtlessness you energetically transmitted through your words, thoughts, and actions. Your lifetime effect on everyone and everything (including animals, plants, etc.) will be God’s gift to you at the moment of your transition out of the Earth dimension. Instant karma.

How do I know this? Well, of course, nothing is completely “knowable,” but I feel the truth of it in my soul. Those who have had near-death experiences describe life review, as do great wisdom-keepers in many traditions. As the years go by, I am also starting to experience moments of this kind of intense feedback about the effect I have in my life. I often feel inside me the reaction of another to my words or actions. My energetic presence bounces back to me in every moment. I can either deflect and ignore it, or I can receive it as a divine GPS system which guides me to greater kindness and compassion.

This is what life is all about. We have a vast number of experiences, individually and interpersonally, which help us to evolve into deeper alignment with who we are at the soul level: pure loving awareness. We—meaning our souls and God—designed our lives for this purpose. The evolution of humanity and a planet, foretold for millennia. And the end-of-life-review is part of that evolution. A life review that is now edging backward into our lives before the moment of death to show us that the wisdom and perspective that come at death can also inform our lives now, if we are open to it and fully allow it.

It’s like climbing to the top of a mountain or flying in a plane at 35,000 feet. The Earth is spread out below you and you see that you are only a tiny part of something so huge it is beyond imagination. Infinity presents itself to your consciousness. Indeed, your consciousness is infinite. When you open the door to that expansive awareness, you begin to see with the eyes of the soul, as God sees. At the center of everything, including you, is pure love. When you can see that clearly and live as that, you have fulfilled your human purpose. Every one of us here on the planet now is on that journey of remembering and fully embodying who we are. Our hearts are guiding us.

As each day passes, I feel a greater sense of the impeccable timing of our Earth journey and our human evolution. We are awakening more and more, and as we awaken, “life review” becomes not solely a final look at a life before dying but also a moment-to-moment feedback loop that shows each of us how closely we are aligned with the love within us. The things that don’t matter fall away, and we live life knowing that what you feel, I feel, and vice versa. At the deepest level, there is no separation. There is only oneness. And as far as you can see, a rainbow of light.

See the Good

Every morning we have a choice: to see the world as full of blessings or full of problems. The polarities of human perception. It is we who apply the labels, the filtering process. And in doing so, we set ourselves up for either contentment or suffering. Often it is a choice between living from the head or the heart. The mind’s function is to look for problems to solve, so it sees them everywhere. The heart’s purpose is to love, so it sees beauty everywhere. It is of course possible for these two to live in balance, but only if the overall perspective is positive. Then the heart can expand its love to include the mind. Within love, the mind relaxes and looks for peace instead of discord. The two work together to bring about human harmony.

But, you may ask, what about injustice and inequality in the world? How can we ignore those? Well, the idea is not to ignore them, but to open to a larger perspective of the times we are living in: to see everything as a process of evolving through extremes to a more compassionate consciousness as a species. This is an extraordinary era. Each of us is playing a role in the evolution of awareness and human relationships on a global scale. It is part of a planetary shift that has been foretold for thousands of years. If we live our lives with love and kindness rather than fear or mistrust, the transition will be experienced more smoothly within us. Inner harmony will be reflected in outer balance. The love and peace that live at our core will rise to the surface and radiate outward. Separation and “otherness” will fall away.

This inner awakening is happening individually and collectively now. It may not be obvious because the mainstream media only reports problems and fear-based drama, not “good news” about people working together for peaceful coexistence with one another and with Nature. Look for these positive stories; listen closely to the voices that speak of unity and oneness. This too exists on our planet, and we are part of it. When you see this evolution clearly, you become one with it. When you see the good, your heart expands, and that energy can be felt by all those around you. And most especially by you.

In living my life with an eye to the positive, my entire experience of daily life has shifted. Recently, I became aware of ways in which I sometimes make offhand negative comments or complaints. For instance, commenting on the paint color of a house as unpleasant or the behavior of someone as inconsiderate. Why choose those things to point out? Why not instead comment on what is beautiful in the house or on kindness in a stranger? It’s there; I just have to see it. Sometimes we think we are being honest in pointing out the “flaws” in things or people or life itself. But honesty is relative: you can be positively honest or negatively honest. Why not choose the former and break the habit of negativity? Your inner vibration reflects that positivity to everyone you encounter; your words, and your feelings and thoughts, have an impact. The world is experienced within first.

As I feel the truth of this dynamic more deeply, I live more from a place of seeing what is good in the world instead of what is lacking. Life becomes a daily blessing because that’s what I hold in my heart. I notice so many others holding that in their hearts now too. Thus is global transformation and unity revealed to us—and lived fully in our lives. With each positive vision shared and each hand extended in love, you and I help to evolve not only ourselves and our planet but the entire vibrational universe as well. See how good you are?!

Becoming a Vessel

The idea of becoming a vessel, or conduit, for selfless love to flow through you into the world is part of many spiritual teachings. To be of service in this way can become one of the highest aspirations for those on a deeply committed spiritual path. Julia Butterfly Hill, who spent two years living in the branches of a 1500-year-old redwood tree to prevent it from being cut down, has described her own preparation for this dedicated act of service. She let go of all physical attachments in terms of possessions, but then Mother Nature emptied her of everything else in a fierce wind/rain storm that brought her face to face with the possibility of her own death. She was “emptied out” for the task ahead.

We may not all be called to such courageous actions, but more and more I believe we are called to be fully present in our lives in the most loving way possible. When your heart is open, you can touch the hearts of all those around you. Love is the greatest act of service imaginable. It doesn’t necessarily take physical stamina or facing death, but it may require you to let go of attachments that keep the energy of love from flowing freely. Ones you may not even be conscious of. Like attachments to particular outcomes or to controlling how things occur. This requires letting go at the deepest level. And often the letting go itself is beyond your control. Perfectly designed that way.

I have written previously about my move to Florida and my expectations about how it would unfold in terms of being of spiritual service there. God presented me with a framework, and then proceeded to take it apart piece by piece. Nothing I had planned on came to pass. And as things fell away, I felt at times lost and abandoned by spirit. Yet that same spirit kept me going, showed me light in the midst of my inner darkness—and the beauty of Nature everywhere. At the end of more than a year of being emptied out, I finally saw that this was exactly what was meant to happen. I had asked to be of service, to be a vessel, over and over in my prayers. I couldn’t be that when I was full of expectations and ideas about what that meant. Surrender means completely letting go and just being peacefully present, without attachments, for whatever arises.

Then the “storm” of COVID arrived, within which we each encountered our own possible death (like Julia). At that point, I could see that all I had just been through had prepared me for emptying out and letting go even further into acceptance and peace. There was nothing I could do about stopping this pandemic. I saw that what I could do was remain peaceful and loving every day, through meditation, writing, and connections with individuals around the world online or in my own neighborhood who were holding this same space of peace and love. The “invisible” network that the Internet provides has helped many of us find support when feeling isolated and alone during this time. It has shown us how we are always connected in our hearts.

We all do what we can in our lives—and the greatest gift we can offer is in being who we are deep inside: compassionate, peaceful human beings. COVID has compelled us to look inward, to meet our own souls, maybe for the first time. From the soul’s perspective, there is no necessity for trying to control what happens or doesn’t happen. Within the soul, there is only loving-awareness. When life empties you out of all external activities and aspirations, you come home to that wisdom within you. The wisdom that shows you that in emptiness is peace and space for the love in your heart to flow freely to all those who cross your path. This is what it means to become a vessel, a conduit, in the world. Perhaps yet another of COVID’s hidden blessings.

What Is God?

Who or what is God? A question without an answer really—or with an infinite number of answers. For God is not really a concept that can be explained or a puzzle that can be solved. God is an experience, one that is as unique as every individual on this planet or every soul in the universe. And it cannot be contained within any description or answered question. Perhaps metaphor comes closest to expressing what God is.  And we each have our own inner metaphors for the experience of the Divine.

For me, God is the seed at the center of all creation as well as the flower that arises from the seed. It encompasses creation itself. God’s essence is gender-free, formless. God is birth and death, inhalation and exhalation, shakti and shiva, yin and yang. God is the eternal harmony in which there are no false notes, the truth within which there are no opposites, the Oneness that holds everything. God is an endless ocean of love, a light that shines from each individual soul and from the collective Soul of the cosmos. There is nothing I can imagine that is not God, nothing I can experience that isn’t God.

That has been my experience of God thus far in my life, so much of it arising from my time spent in Nature. When I am standing alone surrounded by the stillness of trees, God is an audible breath in the air: the sweet sound of the wind through the leaves. When the birds sing at sunrise, God’s voice uplifts my soul. When a butterfly floats by and dances in the sunlight before me, God’s tears fall from my eyes. At these moments, God is a loving Presence within me and all around me. There is no separation between the seer and the seen, between my soul and the Divine Soul. My mind has no questions, my heart is connected to all being.

Each moment of connection like this fills me to overflowing, and I long to live in that place always. Yet life offers us more than bliss and beauty. There is pain and sadness in the mix—and the longing itself. As I continue on my journey through life, I expand into greater inclusiveness of all parts of the human experience as God. I realize longing and pain are divine catalysts. They are moving me beyond the idea that I can only experience God as a peak experience. The truth is that God is ordinary as well as extraordinary. The dirt as well as the daisy. I know that on some level, but part of me is still caught in remnants of polarity, separation. I am One, and then I become distracted by everyday details like grocery shopping and making dinner. Or taking a shower….

Every single life event is a stepping-stone into more expansive awareness. Even a simple shower can be an opening to the cosmos. This morning, as the water poured over my head, and I looked at the sky through the small window above me, suddenly my perception completely shifted. I was aware of a consciousness looking out through my eyes, something that has happened fleetingly once or twice before.* I knew it was God experiencing the world through me, through my senses and awareness. Actually God is that awareness. An awareness that loves every experience, peak or mundane. As my gaze turned to look at the shower curtain and then the droplets of water running down my body, I realized at the deepest possible level that it was all God—because God was within me seeing it all, with love. This is what Ram Dass called “loving awareness.”

That shift in vision is available to us all the time as we open our hearts to the possibilities of life. We are each on a journey home to that loving awareness, which is who we are. We are awareness, infinite consciousness; we are God. In that awareness, the distinction between peak and mundane disappears, and there is only Presence. And the question “What is God?” disappears within it.

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*See my blog “Whose Hands Are These?” 2015

Internal Weather

What if the weather outside your window is actually a reflection of the weather conditions inside you? What if your perceptional framework for viewing life shapes everything, including how you see physical conditions such as rain, snow, clouds, and sunshine that appear to be outside you? What if nothing is quite as it seems to be to the mind? What if the world is as you are?

Ever since I was a small child, I have carried within me an at-times-overwhelming grief about the nature of life, death, and eternity. The “human condition” terrified me; infinity terrified me. Late at night, I described my fear to my mother as “the world goes on forever and ever.” She comforted me and tried to help me learn to distract myself with happier thoughts. But the core unease never really disappeared. In college, I found infinity hiding inside my astronomy and philosophy textbooks. Fear of death and whatever came after was always hovering in the back of my consciousness. In my 30s, I turned to a spiritual quest to try to resolve it. That was the beginning of a shift in my perception.

Over the years, I came to a much broader view of life and of God’s presence in the universe. I have experienced a vast inner peace arising from my soul. At times, when I am completely immersed in it, the peace is as infinite and all-consuming as the fear once was. I “know” with every fiber of my being that infinity is actually divine love, which permeates every aspect of life. There is nothing but infinite consciousness expressing, always, everywhere in the cosmos. It is inside me and outside me, and actually there is no inside and outside. There is a seamless Oneness to all Being. This is what I experience, and within that is peace.

Yet there are still moments, usually late at night, when the fear arises, and a tremendous grief accompanies it. Some people are comforted by the idea of eternity; I am terrified by it. Now, however, I have come to see it as a catalyst for my soul’s evolution in this lifetime. It propels me ever deeper within and connects me to divine Presence, which lives as peace in my soul. My human grief also lives inside me. Depending on my state of mind, I can see that grief as separate from and larger than the peace or as only a small part of it. I realize that my humanity is actually how my divinity experiences itself on Earth. My human life pushes me further and deeper on my soul journey, until I completely merge with God consciousness.

Meanwhile, there are times on this path, this journey, that the catalyst of fear awakens me to a new level of awareness about the nature of reality and my life in it. I begin to understand that my perceptual framework (which interprets the world around me, and how and what I see) is dependent on whether I am in human fear or divine peace. And the seeming separation and polarity is actually for my own expansion and growth. Eventually, I will abide in peace without the interruption of fear or grief. The wisdom deep in my soul tells me this, and I trust it as the expanses of peace in my daily life become more and more seamless. When the old grief or fear arises, it is clear to me now how they can shape my perceptions. Rain and snow are just experiences; life and death are just experiences—all of them part of the soul’s journey in this world. If I see them as miracles, that is what they are in my experience. And grief gradually dissolves within Presence.