Tag: evolving

Is Pain Godly?

Photograph © 2016 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2016 Peggy Kornegger

What role does pain play in our lives, if any? Certainly it can be a reminder at the physical level that we may need to pay more attention to our own health or stress level. But beyond that, what function does it serve? If looked at from a spiritual perspective, pain is present for a greater reason, as is everything that appears in our lives. There are no accidents or coincidences. No alien beings possessing our bodies against our will. If everything is God, then how exactly is pain godly in our lives? Good question, especially for me, as I have spent most of my adult life living with recurring pain in the form of migraine headaches. For many years, I also carried a heavily weighted wish for them to disappear and leave me in peace.

It was an interesting thought: that I couldn’t be at peace if I was in pain. True? Not really. I can be at peace if I let go of suffering on all levels, including the physical. If I am in pain but not suffering, peace is present. Which comes first, peace or letting go of suffering? Actually, they are closely linked, like the loops in a Celtic infinity knot. The soul is always at peace; if the personality consciously aligns with the soul, it too is at peace and suffering fades. When I stop resisting the pain and just breathe into it, peace arises from my soul. Within peace, pain lessens and sometimes disappears entirely. So any way you want to approach it, peace and pain are not actually in opposition to each other. As my spiritual journey deepens, I continue to learn the truth of this.

I also learn about pain’s hidden gifts—how it can highlight the blessings in life, bringing into my conscious awareness how precious each moment is. After a two-day headache ends, I feel such immense appreciation for life’s small wonders. It also teaches me compassion and resilience: to have heartfelt empathy for others’ pain and to be able to spring back from adversity or trauma. Pain is the dancing spirit, like Kokopelli and his flute, that reminds me to embrace all of life’s experiences, even when they hurt. Life on Earth at this time is not easy. Every one of us has to face pain in some form, physical, emotional, psychological—even spiritual (the dark night of the soul).

There is a heightened energy now that is immersing us all in intense transformation within our day-to-day lives, and we are constantly adjusting to and integrating it, whether we are aware of it or not. Sometimes these adjustments, as we evolve and expand into light-filled human be-ings, can cause physical pain, emotional turmoil, or psychological distress. When we allow ourselves to fully feel whatever arises and let it pass through us without resistance, we move forward more freely with greater awareness, trust, and inner strength. We let go of the old and open to the new on the deepest possible level.

So, are my headaches related to planetary change? Perhaps my physical form is adjusting to embodying a higher vibration, an expansiveness that is continually creating new neural pathways. That may be pain’s ultimate hidden gift: an elevation of the human/divine experience. Still, on some level, it continues to be a mystery to me. But the mysterious, in all its wondrous manifestations, can be the gateway to spiritual insight. When I look through the eyes of my soul, I see with increasing clarity the oneness, the seamlessness, of all of life. Each experience I have is intricately interwoven with every other.

There is truly nothing in this universe that is not God, or godly. All of nature, all people, all events, all experiences, are interconnected. When we open to this truth, we learn to welcome everything as part of our growth and evolution. That is one of the blessings of the times we are living in. Gradually, we are beginning to recognize the presence of grace and perfection in every aspect of our lives, including what we can’t understand with the mind or have labeled “pain.”

 

Freedom, Justice & Radical Love, 2016

Photograph © 2016 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2016 Peggy Kornegger

On August 9, 2014, Michael Brown, an unarmed African American teenager, was shot and killed by a white officer in Ferguson, Missouri. The grand jury decided not to indict the officer. It’s a story that has repeated itself again and again, with variations, in the two years since then, and indeed throughout this nation’s history. The daily lives of people of color continue to be defined by racism, violence, and injustice, and the dream of an equal, just society has not been realized. When will black lives matter enough that the killing stops? In the past week, the violence has been escalating: Baton Rouge, Louisiana; Falcon Heights, Minnesota. Then five police officers shot and killed in Dallas, Texas. Guns everywhere that divide us even more. Anger, fear, hatred, grief. How do we bridge this huge chasm that separates us from one another?

Yes, we have evolved and grown in many ways, but the tipping point that would shift momentum toward completely ending separation and “otherness” has yet to be reached. It gets down to the fact that people carry silent preconceptions about other people based on race, sex, age, and gender all the time, even if they don’t believe they do. Racism and all the other “isms” have permeated our collective unconscious mindset and inform how people see and act in the world. What we need is a radical awakening and heart opening into conscious awareness that at the level of our souls, there is no difference between any of us. We are one. Our hearts and souls need to supersede the collective mindset.

How does this happen? Can it happen? If ever there was a time in which it could occur, it is now, when global change and transformation are rocking our planet. It’s up to us to remember the dream of freedom and justice for all and live it. To speak up, reach out, and fill our lives with radical love for all people everywhere. The truth is that there is no “other.” We are one consciousness living the illusion that we are separate. Our minds tell us we are individuals, alone, pitted against everyone else for survival. Our hearts and souls see only oneness, only Being that takes a multiplicity of physical forms.

The “costumes” we wear in our lifetimes are temporary. Beneath our transient skin color, gender, and physicality is an unbroken stream of consciousness that fills all living creatures equally. Whether you call it Spirit, Source, God, or Infinite Intelligence, something beyond physical form ties us all together on this Earth. It is this living spirit within that moves us to march in the streets for human rights and to join together in compassion and caring. When our hearts are fully open, it becomes impossible to see another human being as separate from us. The world becomes a mirror, and we see our soul’s reflection in everyone we encounter.

It is way beyond time to put down all weapons and at last be grateful for the miraculous gift of sharing this world with so many other extraordinarily diverse yet infinitely similar human reflections. Let’s end all Fergusons and Dallases by making “love your neighbor as yourself” a reality in our lives. Love everyone, even those you think you disagree with. Sound impossible? Think you can’t do anything to change the status quo? Don’t think, just love, radically, one person at a time. True lasting freedom and justice arises from the love that connects every human heart.

 

It Could Have Been Me…

Boston City Hall, Photograph © 2016 Peggy Kornegger
Boston City Hall, Photograph © 2016 Peggy Kornegger

Two years ago, on June 22, my life partner, Anne, and I were married here in Massachusetts after 31 years together. In doing so, we became part of a rising wave of same-sex couples in many states claiming their right to marry after the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was struck down as unconstitutional. One year later, the Supreme Court also decided in favor of marriage equality nationally, and rainbow lights shone on the White House and across the United States. We in the LGBT community celebrated this miraculous shift in public consciousness regarding our basic human rights. People’s hearts and minds had opened beyond anything any of us had dreamed possible. A new sense of freedom and hope filled us.

Yet, here we are today, reeling from the news that 49 people were killed and 53 more critically injured in a mass shooting at Pulse, an Orlando LGBT nightclub. It’s the deadliest shooting in U.S. history, among so many in recent years. My heart sank when I heard the news. As a gay friend of mine said, “It all feels so personal.” And it is. It’s not just a random attack; it’s an attack specifically targeting LGBT people. And it could have been carried out anywhere, by anyone filled with homophobic fear and hatred. Any of us could have been one of the victims. It quite literally could have been me. The media are focused on reporting that the shooter was Muslim and pledged allegiance to ISIS, but that connection, real or not, has little to do with it. Anti-gay hatred crosses all lines of religion, politics, and nationality. (And don’t forget that media-fed mistrust and hatred of Muslims is also on the rise.)

Many friends of mine are having memory flashbacks of past experiences of hostility, intimidation, or violence because of their sexual orientation. Me too. It cuts deep, this mass killing, this act of extreme hatred. We are all feeling it, gay or not. I just saw a news video of a man at Los Angeles Pride events with a sign that read: “I am Pulse.” It brought tears to my eyes. If we could all remember that. People are taught to be afraid of “difference,” but no one exactly fits the mainstream standard of acceptability. If we could only see that we are each very different in our unique human expression, but ultimately the same deep within. When our hearts break open, we start to recognize our own reflection in the eyes of all those around us.

Yes, I am Pulse too. I am a lesbian. I am your neighbor. Your sister, your cousin, your daughter. Your co-worker. Your best friend. I am you. We are one within our shared human experience on this planet. We came here to live that oneness, through love. Love of everyone, every one. Let this terrible event be a reminder to each of us to love without parameters, without definitions. Although it may not always seem like it, we are part of something much bigger occurring on this Earth: a transformation in consciousness that is breaking down barriers between people of all ages, sexes, races, nationalities, religions, and belief systems. It is a massive shift out of an old crumbling paradigm based in “otherness” into one based in oneness and love.

Even so, how do we live day to day after such a traumatic event? What do we do with our grief, anger, and fear? We feel them, completely. Sometimes I just have to cry or rage or shake—allow those emotions to move through me, so that I can move forward. Beneath the feelings of sorrow, shock, and fright lives hope, still. I truly believe that we have not lost all that we have gained. Those open doors can never completely close again. We need to remember too that we are not finished; the human species and the planet are still evolving. The extreme polarities arising from fear of difference, fear of change, are coming up to be faced and balanced in all of us. There is more to do, more to be….

When Anne and I married two years ago, we wanted our coming together in love to rise from, and flow back into, the expansion of love we saw occurring everywhere. We chose June, LGBT Pride month, as the perfect time for our marriage. Looking back, I can still feel that momentum, that greater love filling the hearts of those present at the wedding and overflowing into the world around us. Today, as we all face the tragic results of inner hatred turned outward, I pray that we keep our hearts open in spite of the pain. That we love even more deeply. Our collective love is stronger than fear, stronger than hate. Love is love is love is love…. With courage, with compassion, we can continue to live that truth into the world.

 

Losing Your Self

Photograph © 2014 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2014 Peggy Kornegger

What does it mean to lose your self? People talk about losing themselves in their work, or in music, or in a movie. This refers to a merging of the individual self with an experience that is completely absorbing. Another connotation is that of losing yourself in another, a kind of loss of identity, implying dependency or instability. What do these two have in common? Perhaps that they both refer to the personality self, as opposed to the soul self. The personality self is connected to the ego and can be in constant flux; the soul self, on the other hand, is always steadily present and can never be lost.

So what happens if the personality self loses itself within the soul self? Well, now we’re entering the realm of spirit, and the conversation can get really interesting. The personality is shaped by the struggle to live in the real world, to cope, to survive, to “rise above” life’s trials and tribulations. In many ways, the personality “just wants to have fun.” It seeks out pleasurable experiences and avoids unpleasant ones, not always successfully. Thus human suffering. Meanwhile, the soul is in the background, witnessing it all. When the personality suffers, the soul is at peace. Sounds like an impossible situation, but it isn’t really, because if the personality can connect to, or merge with, soulness, it too is at peace, no matter what experiences or emotions arise. That has been the quest of spiritual seekers through the ages.

In today’s world of rapidly accelerating change and radical shifts in beliefs and behavior, nothing is certain anymore. Certainly not a “personality.” People change overnight, or seemingly so. Beneath the surface, something greater is transpiring. We are living in a time of soul discovery, or perhaps soul recovery. Within the larger framework of changes in social consciousness, individuals are increasingly being drawn to the idea of authenticity, of living their true selves, not who society has always told them to be. And when the focus is authenticity, what’s really going on is soul connection. You can’t be your authentic self and be disconnected from your soul. This is the paradigm shift we are living into.

So are we all really losing our selves now, as the world also seems to be losing itself? That would actually be the best-case scenario. To lose your fabricated self within the wisdom and peace of your soul would probably be the most life-affirming thing that could happen to you, and to the world. Because as each person aligns with their authentic soul self (and in conjunction the love that resides in their heart), a connection to something greater also occurs. And in that greater connection is universal sisterhood and brotherhood, or oneness. A oneness that encompasses all beings and Mother Earth herself.

In losing our selves in this way, we are not really losing anything. The personality can live in harmony with the soul, and we can all live in harmony with one another. At the level of spirit, or soul, there is no separation. In truth, we came to this planet as souls for the extraordinarily diverse experience of being human—every poignantly sweet moment from birth to death. And within the trajectory that is life on Earth over the millennia, we have now reached the evolutionary point of complete soul immersion: living as conscious spirit in physical form. So celebrate the re-union of personality and soul. It is truly one of the greatest gifts you could possibly receive—or give to the world.

 

 

Surrender the Outcome

Photography © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
Photography © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
In the last month or so, I’ve been coming face to face with issues related to my physical body–specifically an eye diagnosis and more frequent migraine headaches. Since I am simultaneously participating in a yearlong accelerated program with Panache Desai, I’ve learned to look closely at everything I experience as part of that acceleration: What part of my soul’s journey is now being highlighted? I sometimes ask “Why?” too, but that question can be a distraction if it arises from fear or a sense of unfairness. What’s happening is happening; if I can accept and embrace it, the experience becomes fully integrated into my life.

So what about uncertain health diagnoses or physical pain? That is what is before me now. As humans, we resist this experience. I certainly have. So perhaps that is why it’s accelerating. Until I can fully accept all aspects of my physicality as part of my life experience, I will continue to suffer on some level. My human mind wants perfect health with no pain, so every time I am faced with something short of that mental construct, I resist what I am experiencing. The outcome that I hold tightly to is preventing me from flowing with my actual experience. The more I resist, the stronger the pain or unease.

It’s about surrender again, at a deeper level. I am being guided to release attachment to any outcome whatsoever. Perhaps even to reality itself. I’ve watched my eye diagnosis shape-shift over the past month or so, depending on which doctors I saw and which test they were looking at. Perhaps this particular health scenario is an encapsulated version of all of life. What we view as reality is always changing. Ultimately, everything is a continuously shifting illusion that we create in our minds (individually and collectively) to experience life as it passes before us. More simply: life happens; we then assign meaning to it, spinning the illusion of reality out of thin air. If we assign negative meaning, we are unhappy. If we assign positive meaning, we are pleased. But if we just observe life from a place of spacious awareness, allowing it to be a divinely orchestrated mystery, then we experience inner liberation.

There is a profound freedom in no longer being tied to specific outcomes or ways of seeing the world. In doing so, we are entering the realm of the soul, the god consciousness that lives within. Our souls have no opinions or agenda. They are just witnessing life peacefully, here solely for the experience of it and their own evolution. When I open to my soul’s full emergence, my mind steps into the background and releases the reins of control. I am no longer mentally committed to any particular version of reality; I’m just “along for the ride.” I begin to flow with life.

Not the easiest path to access, especially when facing health issues, as I am. The external world continually pulls me in the opposite direction. Still, when I take time to connect to my own inner peace, I am less tightly tied to outcome. I feel lighter, freer, more open to all possibilities. Many of us are facing crossroads like this in life. I believe that is one reason we are here on this planet at this particular time: to finally let go of the mind’s centuries-long control and allow the soul to be the divining rod of our earthly lives. To release the illusion of certainty and embrace an ever-evolving mystery. May we all find our way home to that very wise, soulful part of ourselves.