Tag: love

Parallel Lives

My life partner Anne and I are often mistaken for sisters (even twins!), but we never imagined our similarities would extend to both of us being diagnosed with breast cancer. My treatment took place three years ago; Anne underwent surgery last week. Hard to believe at first. Again?! Both of us? Yet here we are, living parallel lives on yet another level. This is the soul design we were given. Once again, physical health came up, fear of mortality came up. Life shows you the full cosmic picture at times, and how you view it is up to you. Each person’s life unfolds exactly as it’s meant to, even the fearful, uncertain parts. And each person handles their life’s events in a way that is unique to their own individual journey.

Anne and I approached the experience of breast cancer in ways that are similar and yet quite different. We went to the same breast center, so we both have had wonderful care there with some of the same practitioners. The location of the lump in Anne’s breast, however, varied from mine (lobular vs. ductal), so her surgery was a bit different (both lumps removed successfully). How we each have found ways to come to peace with the whole process is a further variation. Anne gathers and organizes information; the more specifics she knows (up to a point), the calmer she feels. I, on the other hand, find peace and calm in the spiritual overview that everything is unfolding according to my soul’s design. Each synchronicity uplifts my spirits and centers me in inner peace.

So Anne and I move along our life paths separately yet lovingly intertwined. We each share our perspectives, so it is always a mutual journey. I am learning things I did not know before from Anne’s exploration of the details of her diagnosis. And I think Anne appreciates the surprise synchronicities too. For instance, Anne’s surgery day was 7 Tijax in the Maya calendar. The number 7 stands for “balance,” and Tijax is the energy of “cutting through all negative thoughts/feelings to experience the miracle of healing.” Very powerful alignment—and then the added “aha, yes” was when Anne noticed that the number of her pre-op room was 7! We both laughed. Moments like that make you feel that you are part of a flow of universal Intelligence that includes all life everywhere. The cosmic kaleidoscope, I call it.

Another synchronous occurrence was that her surgery was two days before Thanksgiving, and because it went very smoothly, it became a beautiful reason for both of us to feel thankful. In addition, we had almost identical experiences of gratitude after our individual surgeries. I lay in the recovery room feeling surrounded by compassionate bodhisattvas, each one extraordinarily gentle and caring. I floated in an infinite sea of kindness, tears in my eyes. Anne, too, felt intensely the generous spirit of her caregivers. The feeling was so powerful that it carried over into the hours after her surgery: She wanted to call every one of them together to personally thank them for how open-hearted and kind they had been to her.

These are the gifts that each moment can bring, when you experience the magical connections between people and events. A health diagnosis can crack open every door and window inside you so that all you see is the light and love at the core of everyone and everything. Soul vision. It’s in the details and the overview, and it’s what moves our lives in such parallel, yet distinctive ways. My treatment was successful, and deep in my heart and soul, I trust that Anne’s will continue to be successful too.
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*Yet another similarity is that both Anne and I have written about our breast cancer experiences: she on Caring Bridge and me in my blog (and book). It seems to help each of us to share what we are feeling—and to know that there are so many others who have also felt this way.

Speak Kindness into the World

Finding time for silence in your life is important; it soothes, calms, and centers you in your soul’s presence. When you do speak, your voice then expresses the loving heart of who you are, connected to that inner stillness. Your voice can also be an instrument of peace and kindness in the world, healing separation and judgment. We are currently living at a time in which antipathy is on the rise toward those viewed as outside of a very narrow frame of acceptability (one race, one religion, one gender). Our immigrant and transgender neighbors now fear for their lives. We in the larger LGBTQ+ community are also fearful. Along with many others, including people of color, non-Christians, and all women. Who’s next?

There is a famous quote by Martin Niemoller during World War II, when Nazism was sweeping through Europe. He begins: “First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.” He continues, each line adding another group that “they came for” (trade unionists, Jews), and he still does not speak out. The last line stands as a powerful statement, then and now: “Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.” In other words, do not sit silently while your neighbors are verbally or physically attacked. Speak up. Stand with them. It’s happening to all of us.

Speaking up doesn’t have to be a fight or an argument (try to avoid antagonism, if possible). It can be as simple as admiring people for who they are, appreciating “difference” instead of disliking it, answering negative comments with positive ones. It’s a delicate balance, because some people hold tightly to their opinions and don’t want to be contradicted or challenged. To speak with kindness and compassion for all people is what we are being called to do in the world now. We are all different really. We are also all the same at the core of our being. To live with that seeming contradiction, in a space of inclusiveness, is the challenge of the years ahead, the shift from a warring planet to a peaceful one.

It begins in your house, your neighborhood, your state, your country, your planet. In essence, everywhere. With each voice of kindness speaking quietly, soul to soul, the world opens its collective heart a little more. It may seem an impossible task, but all journeys are step-by-step endeavors. Many of us have been traveling this road for decades. I lived through the years of “America: Love It or Leave It.” I also lived through the years of civil rights, women’s rights, Earth Day, Black Lives Matter, and rainbow flags on the White House and national monuments. As human beings on an evolving planet, we are all of these things. Individuals who act with hate or unkindness are often fearful inside; they don’t want to “lose” what they see as their only security in the world. They hang onto their belief systems like a life preserver. And fear can form a wall between people. Actually, we all carry fear of one kind or another in us these days.

So how to find a way for all of us to live together in mutual respect and open-heartedness? Without fear. Without anyone thinking they are better than anyone else. No easy answers to that. The walls can feel like they are closing in, angry and hateful voices speaking louder and louder. Doing nothing is not an option. My/your voice is key—not to engage in aggravated (and aggravating) argument, but to find a way through disagreement to mutuality in spite of difference. We are alive at this time for exactly this reason, as difficult or frightening as it may seem. There are many paths to oneness and community, but they all begin with kindness. The peaceful silence within you will give you the courage to speak that kindness into the world.

Language of the Soul

The language of the soul is silence. No words to define reality or limit perception. When we completely align with our souls, we too are wordless. As we were before birth and will be again after death. What is the advantage to being wordless? you might ask. Well, it clears your consciousness. It allows you to be fully present in each moment and each experience. No looking backward or forward; just looking.  The eyes of the soul see nothing and everything simultaneously.

Life on Earth today challenges us to remain balanced in the midst of a very noisy, topsy-turvy world: political conflicts, wars, health pandemics, erosion of human rights, environmental stresses. You struggle to understand and come into balance with the chaos that surrounds you. At times you feel overwhelmed. Yet beneath all the external sound and confusion, your soul sits silently observing. When you take a deep breath and pause quietly, you become one with that presence which is soul awareness.

More and more now, as I live deeper into my life (in years and in experiences), I often find myself with no desire to speak for long stretches of time. On my morning or afternoon walks, I am content to watch all that unfolds around me (and within me) in silence, immersed in soul vision. Huge clouds drift across the bluest of skies, yellow-and-black goldfinches twitter rhythmically as they fly over the treetops, honey and bumble bees visit the flowering Rose of Sharon bushes. Nature evokes peace in my heart.

In truth, I have spent years in training to be at home in silence because I am a birdwatcher. If people talk loudly and make a lot of noise, they scare away the birds. The quieter you are as you walk slowly among the trees, the more the natural world opens up and continues as if you weren’t there. In stillness, you become almost invisible. Robins and catbirds land on nearby branches and sing. Squirrels, rabbits, and chipmunks scurry past. A solitary great blue heron fishes in a pond. Butterflies and dragonflies float by. All part of a multidimensional orchestra in which I too am a participant. The music of the spheres flows silently through each of us at the soul level.

We all play this music; we all understand this language. We were born knowing it. We may not always be aware of it, but it lives deep within us. We feel it when we lie quietly in the darkness before sleep, comforted by soundless sound. At times of great sorrow or great joy, that silent language of the soul expresses what words cannot. We look into one another’s eyes, and we see the gentle light of love shining across time and space. Here we can rest; here we are at home.

You’re Not Alone

These are the most comforting words you can hear, whatever you are going through. A friend recently said that to me when I was describing something challenging in my life. We then talked together about what a huge support it is when someone listens deeply and lets you know you are not alone in what you are feeling. It makes all the difference in the world. If we could only remember to hold that compassion in our hearts at all times. And to speak it without hesitation whenever we can.

The human journey through life is not an easy one. There can be extremes of sorrow as well as joy. We may lose loved ones, jobs, homes, a sense of purpose. At times we struggle to understand the meaning of all the events and experiences that pass by us in such rapid succession. Yet, in the midst of difficulty or confusion, love and friendship are a steadying force. Our friends and family are our north stars, lights in the darkness that appear when most needed. Three years ago when I was receiving treatment for breast cancer, loving friends and family surrounded me, and their steadfast presence helped me to remain peaceful and positive throughout. When my parents passed away many years ago, friends from childhood as well as my current life reached out to share memories and empathy, knowing that as an only child, I felt particularly alone. Repeatedly they reassured me that I wasn’t.

I’ve been laid off from jobs, lost my rented apartment when the house was sold, come to the end of relationships, and lain awake at night frightened about death and the unknown. At all those moments, it was the voices of those closest to me who reminded me of how life is more than loss or uncertainty. It is also love and connection, which can be stronger than any sadness or fear. “You’re not alone” are the words that touch our hearts and souls at the deepest level in our most vulnerable moments. Conversations in which we share similar feelings and experiences see us through because we are no longer lost within aloneness or solitary suffering.

So next time you feel frightened, sad, or that life is not worth living, pause for a minute and remember that you can always reach out to a friend to express some of what you are going through. You may find that they have felt, or are feeling, very similarly. Within that connection is life itself, a renewal of spirit that touches you both and gives you the strength to continue with a fresh outlook on everything.

 And, if you recognize unease or sadness in someone you know, don’t be afraid to show them that you are by their side, that you understand. Compassion is our greatest human gift, and the more we share it, the more it grows and fills the world around us with loving-kindness and caring. With each dawn, Mother Earth herself tells us “You are not alone.” May we live that wisdom throughout our lives.

Worry and Its Antidotes

Our minds often seem to be looking for something to worry about: “Who will be elected?” “Why is that person coughing?” “What’s that noise?” If we go online, we are continually bombarded with potential fears: a new COVID variant, rising costs, droughts, floods, shootings…. These stories feed right into the part of our brain that is a problem-solver. A useful attribute, but if the brain can’t find a solution to a problem, it gets diverted to the worry channel. The “What if” station, which seems to become particularly active at night when we are tired. Worries about yourself, your loved ones, and the whole world can take over your life if you let them. So don’t let them…..

What’s the antidote? you ask. Well, I find that there are many, and I have to remember to be open to them all. Remembering is key. In fact, that’s the number 1 step: Recognizing that you are caught in worrying. That puts a brake on and allows you to step sideways into another frame of mind (and heart). I say “heart” because often it’s the heart’s perspective that unlocks the closed door to the room where you are trapped with your worries running wild.

The heart is an optimist. It sees flowers when you might see poison ivy. It sees love when you are caught in fear or anger. How to connect to the heart? Take a walk outside in a park or anywhere else where you can see trees, hear birds, look up at the sky. Nature is a major heart connector. I take daily walks to keep myself centered in a positive frame of mind, to live from my heart and not from mental fears. If something difficult does arise, my heart’s spirit guides me through.

Friends and family can also be antidotes. Anyone close to you who is a good listener and can help you realize that your worries are not necessarily destined to materialize. In fact, most of the time they don’t. Mark Twain had a great saying, which I used to keep posted above my desk: “I have known a great many troubles in my life, most of which never happened.” Perfect description of how our minds make our worries seem real, when they aren’t. They are passing thoughts, which may or may not take form. Why waste time (and your life) focusing on them?

I’ve learned over the years (and keep learning) to find ways to divert my mind when it goes into worry overdrive. Music and poetry* help. Walking helps. Nature helps. Meditation** and yoga. A favorite sitcom rerun on TV. Eating healthy food I love (e.g., cherries, grapes, avocados). The kindness of those close to me who listen and reassure me with simple words like “Yes, I understand.” (My partner is very good at this.) There are countless ways to find positivity in your daily life and open your heart in the process. Because when your heart is open and really connected to life’s wonders and beauty, worries fade to the background and may disappear entirely.

And if they return tomorrow in different guises, you and I always have effective antidotes at hand. As the wise tell us, “Love is stronger than fear.” I’ve found that to be true, again and again.
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*This song always lifts my heart: “I Am Light” by India.Arie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2E3dBtTtBw. And Mary Oliver’s poem “I Worried” is the perfect antidote: https://www.mindfulnessassociation.net/words-of-wonder/i-worried-mary-oliver/.
**Every morning I listen to Panache Desai’s free online meditation Call to Calm: https://www.panachedesai.com/.