Tag: peace

Joy, Grief, and Miracles

My entire life I have carried within me, in equal parts, exquisite joy at being alive and profound grief at one day having to leave this world for the vast unknown of eternity. That unknown, and the sorrow surrounding it, frightened me terribly as a small child. At night, I would cry about this seemingly insoluble dilemma of life and death and the infinite universe. As I explored a spiritual path in my adult life, I came to see that this life/death dichotomy arose as part of being embodied spirit in physical human form. My soul saw no polarized separation; only my mind did.

There have always been times in my daily life when I saw the world as my soul did: expansive, wondrous, flowing, filled with miracles. When I am walking quietly in Nature, surrounded by birds and trees and flowers. When I am with friends and family, feeling the love that connects us. The trajectory of my life has been to balance out the joy and grief, to come to peace with all the varied and sometimes contradictory experiences of living as a human being on Earth. Perhaps this is what we are all doing in our own way.

Immersed in presence in the natural world, I feel that balance. Trees, birds, clouds, flowers, seasons. I am outside of time, beyond the mind’s observations. I connect to all parts of life with each breath. Breathing like a tree, like a flower, like a bird. Therein is calm, a surrender to something greater that is comforting not frightening. Here, infinity is who I am. It flows within me and surrounds me as well. In Nature, I recognize that life holds infinity in everything. Somehow grief falls away in those moments, and I only know the peace that is at the center of my soul.

The key perhaps is to see the entire world as one with Nature, to recognize that Mother Earth and Spirit are a single seamless creation with no beginning and no end. And within that eternal, never-ending Presence is something beyond the mind’s ability to understand. Only in completely letting go of the need to solve the puzzle of existence and accepting the wonders before us each day do we experience peace. And a balance that brings together joy and grief in the human heart and makes them whole.

This is where I am now, sitting silently on the edge of eternity and knowing it as who I am, who we all are. William Blake could hold “eternity in an hour,” infinity in the palm of his hand. He saw a “World in a Grain of Sand, and a Heaven in a Wild Flower.” To me, this is the greatest and most exquisitely beautiful wisdom I’ve ever encountered. Within it is the amazing grace we all hope to find in our lifetimes, no further away than our own miraculous hands or the flowers at our feet.

Transparency

I don’t quite know how to describe how I am feeling recently. There’s a growing space within me, a falling away of the irrelevant or unnecessary, avoidance of the negative or pessimistic. An opening to pure being without motivation or direction. So much seems like distraction to me, useless to my inner self. And that inner presence is what I live for, full immersion in the love and light that arise from my heart and soul. These are transparent in the material world view, lacking physical substance.

Perhaps it is I who lack physical substance now. I am becoming less a physical form and more a soul. The outer world seems so busy to me: news, politics, networking, apps, shopping. My inner world is simpler, quieter. I read Ann Patchett and Mark Nepo, take long walks in parks or nature sanctuaries, meditate, do yoga, awaken early to write in the predawn hours. Day-to-day life arises from that place.

My life has been emptying out for four years now—past and present homes and activities falling away, living through breast cancer, growing older—all of it leaving a wider and wider space within. An emptiness that is full of spirit, which life continuously moves us toward over the years, through various experiences and relationships. We learn ultimately that that is all we are: Spirit. Transparent spirit, radiating light in the physical world.

Sometimes I feel invisible, floating down the street gazing up at the trees, talking to the squirrels and birds. I wonder if people see me or just hear a voice. Yet when I smile, others smile in return. Does the light itself form an image at those moments? I don’t know. Maybe we are all only temporarily visible when we engage with another’s energy. Otherwise, we are just light beings drifting through the world, witnessing transformations. Sound far-fetched? Actually, maybe it’s truer than much of what we currently hear about humankind. At least it’s positive.

The positive is what my inner self gravitates toward. What touches and lifts my heart. Listening to Christian Cooper and Amy Tan talk about the joys of bird-watching and to Panache Desai speak of infinity and inner peace. Reading the poetry of Mary Oliver. Looking up at the blue summer sky and feeling gratitude and happiness. The small details of daily life that fill up a lifetime and taken together bring wisdom and clarity, if seen through the eyes of the soul. The mind can fall into judgment, fear, and sadness. The soul knows only acceptance and peace.

And so I continue, day to day. I am here, but more and more, I am not in one single place. I am everywhere. I am not one person; I am everything I see and experience. I am the stars and galaxies. I am the universe. As are we all. No separation. There is a oneness to life that we only see when we merge with it, when we become transparent. Perhaps this is exactly why we came here to this planet, to this lifetime. To step into separation and visibility and then to vanish again into oneness and pure light, the source of all being.

This Is Life, Now

In a conversation with my doctor at my annual physical, we talked about various things, including the current state of the world and how people are reacting. We agreed that in order to get through these tumultuous times, individuals don’t need prescriptions or palliatives, distractions or diversions. This is just the way life is now. It is what we are experiencing on Earth as our species and planet evolve. And there is more change to come. Within change is hope, possibility. If I focus on accepting each moment and envision the light ahead of me and within me, hope opens up in my heart. Peace becomes tangible. I can feel it and glimpse it in the world.

That seems to be the wisest perspective for me, as I negotiate my day-to-day life through change after change. My feelings are unpredictable, not necessarily tied to a specific event. I’ve thought perhaps it is post-traumatic stress, after surviving breast cancer, three years of a pandemic, the passing of dear friends, as well as the ongoing challenge of a country (and a world) at war with itself. Or, more immediately, it could be tied to the fact that Anne and I are in the midst of a move between two towns, each very different from the other. Our third move in five years. We are trying to get our bearings, feeling our way. Not everything is cohesive or understandable. It’s a mix.

For instance, across from the building where we live are thick woods on adjacent land. From our deck we can see blue jays and robins in the trees and stunning blue skies above. Each morning the view is lovely, the sky and clouds ever-changing. Our neighbors are friendly and welcoming, one bringing us homemade pumpkin bread the day we moved in. Meanwhile, down the road is a pistol and rifle club where we can hear gunfire in the distance if we are outdoors. A few yard signs advocate stopping a state bill that would tighten restrictions on gun possession and sales. Unsettling, to say the least.

Two or three miles away, the public library has an excellent educational display about books now banned in the U.S., including The Color Purple, Beloved, To Kill a Mockingbird, and books with LGBTQ content. Many libraries and bookstores in Massachusetts and elsewhere have such displays and encourage people to buy and read these books, which are often literature classics. In addition, a number of cities (like ours, thankfully) have passed ordinances in support of the LGBTQ community. All of this is life now, for us.

The other morning on my daily walk, I encountered a woman, also walking, who began to talk to me in Chinese about all the weeds and plants at the edge of the woods, breaking off leaves and pantomiming rubbing them against her skin. “For healing?” I asked. She nodded and continued her explanations, not seeming to mind that I didn’t know Chinese. I listened for several minutes until she finished, and as she turned to walk away, I thanked her for sharing her knowledge. This too is life now: strangers speaking to each other in different languages, not fully understanding but listening just the same.

Could it be that my entire consciousness, as well as our global consciousness, is experiencing a major shift of Earth-quake proportions? Everything is changing, and nothing will remain the same, including how we perceive and how we listen, who we think we are and how we think. We may continue to face challenges and fear-based events, but if we look up at the heavens and in each other’s eyes, we can find inspiration, strength, and the courage to continue. All I can do is wake each morning with an open heart and peacefully surrender to my soul’s life journey and what the day brings. This is my life, now. This is our life now.

Love, Peace, and Flower Power?

My generation was born in the years after World War II and the Holocaust. The horrors and suffering of that time were still in our parents’ consciousness when we were conceived. If cellular memory can be transferred parent to child, then we emerged with our own unique consciousness that was a mixture of the pain of the past and hope for the future. We carried that through the years of our growing up and coming of age as we witnessed the Civil Rights Movement and the Vietnam War on our TV screens. At a certain point, we ourselves birthed a new awakened awareness, informed by global events but also infused with a positive vision for humanity that we had come to Earth to express. We became the activists and flower children of the late 1960s and 1970s. In the midst of the world’s conflicts and hatred, we spoke our simple truth: Love, Peace, and Flower Power.

In 1969, “in the streets of San Francisco,” I wore flowers in my hair, moved by a belief in loving connections beyond my one individual lifetime. I, and so many others, held that belief in our hearts for decades, working individually and collectively for a more compassionate world based in loving-kindness and equality. We may not use those words now in the 21st century, but the sentiment still rings true for many of us. The question is: Is it still relevant?

What is the state of human consciousness and inter-relationships on this planet? Is love of others and peace on Earth really possible? Many would say No, humans hate and kill one another again and again. Yet, that’s not the whole story. In so many places, what continues to flower (!), in spite of all odds, is kindness and mutual support among people in diverse communities, as well as the courage and strength to persist and survive. Perhaps balance is slowly being restored.

In singing, in speaking, in sharing, we express our humanity, heart and soul fully engaged and interactive with others and with the positive energy of connection and love. We come together in unity for the common good. The deeper truth is that the future is being lived now. This moment is all we have, according to the wisdom of elders in so many cultures. What you sow, you shall reap, moment to moment. Live love, and love moves through you in circles of reciprocity and expansion within your lifetime and beyond. Together we are a living breathing mandala of possibility and wonder. We are colorful bits of light dancing within a cosmic kaleidoscope. We are Spirit in human form.

So perhaps “love, peace, and flower power” never becomes obsolete, outdated. The specific words may change, the clothing and hairstyles differ, but the living spirit of humanity always holds within it a seed of compassion and care for others. Love is timeless, peace is within us, and nature reflects back to us the beauty of our own beingness in every flower that blooms. This is the vision I have held all my life.

No Where

If you walk or sit in silence long enough, you blend with everything. You are no longer separate from the world around you, gazing outward, because there is no out or in. The mind stops grasping and relaxes into blankness. You are no where—because where ceases to exist. This is infinity. Some call it Presence or universal consciousness. It is pure awareness without parameters or definitions. Just being.

I sometimes find myself there when I am walking in Nature or deep in meditation (and once as I was coming out of surgery). But even there is a misnomer because how can there exist in no where? I assure you I am not trying to trick you with word games. I am attempting to move beyond words to the silence of the soul. Of course, you can’t really find your way to silence with language. To describe the process of becoming completely silent seems almost contradictory.

Yet perhaps it is not entirely impossible to offer directional metaphors, as the poet Rumi did in all his work. Recently, a friend commented that the deep meditational experience of infinity was akin to being in the field Rumi describes, which is “out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,” judging. Remembering the words of that poem immediately opened the door of Presence even further for me. A field that is empty of everything but shared spirit.

That is exactly how I felt within the depths of the profound silence of no where. Separation completely fell away. No opinions, no judgments of others, just awareness without any definitions or language to infringe on the vision of the soul, pure and true. Perhaps this is the purpose of all life: to reach that experience of being completely immersed in the silence of the soul. Because within it there is no longer inner or outer conflict, only peace.

We humans often talk of peace on Earth and aspire to it. Yet it seems to drift further and further away. Maybe that distance is an illusion, and in truth we are moving closer to it whenever we reverse our gaze from outward to inward. Because that is where peace lies, undisturbed and eternal. Our inner vision can direct us every day to living in a peace that radiates outward to all those we meet. In spite of the conflicts of the times we are now living through, more and more people are being catapulted inward by outer discord.

Our souls are guiding us in this direction, to seek the harmony and oneness that lives at the center of all creation. The no where within the where. Perhaps we came to Earth for this very reason. To experience the extremes of separation and then stand in the field of infinity, recognizing all that we see as one heart, one spirit. Humanity and divinity as one. Home at last.