Tag: surrender

Ride the Current

Photograph © 1999 Lynn Van Gundy
Photograph © 1999 Lynn Van Gundy

There is a river running through Bern, Switzerland, that is used as a kind of moving thoroughfare by local residents and adventurous tourists. Individuals don swimsuits and hike upstream alongside the river and then ride the fast-moving current back into town (without boats or rafts). The Swiss pride themselves on the cleanliness of the water, and a recent PBS travel program showed people of all ages and body types zipping along rapidly, laughing in delight at how fast they are traveling, with no effort whatsoever. They just have to jump in and become one with the current.

If only we could always see life in this way: a beautiful river that will carry us home if we let go and flow with it. Nature gives us so many examples of how life flows if we don’t try to swim against the current: dolphins and porpoises surfing ocean waves, birds and butterflies gliding on airstreams. Surrendering to life’s natural movement allows you to just be instead of striving and struggling. Strenuous effort is so draining, whereas becoming part of something greater energizes you and moves you forward with lightness and grace. Even when the current feels wild and a bit scary. That wildness is life’s pulsation, which is within each of us as well. If you find yourself caught in a small eddy of fear, sadness, or tension, relaxing into feeling it fully often allows you to effortlessly slip back into the main current of life’s events.

For much of my life I was a “trier,” believing that nothing would happen without my own efforts. Of course, I was taught this, at school and in the world at large. Only later did I come to realize that it was in moments of being rather than striving that I always found a connection to life’s flowing essence, which is spirit. As a child, when I climbed trees, ran through open fields, or lay in the grass watching the ever-changing sky, I was most relaxed, alive, inspirited. The natural world held me in its arms and nurtured the evolution of my young soul. Today, it is gardening in my backyard, hiking in the mountains, or swimming in the ocean that fills me with that sense of oneness with all things. As a writer, I tap into this ever-present life energy in order to express my soul’s voice.

Aligning with the pulse of the universe, inside us and all around us, brings liberation and deep connection. When I allow life to flow through me, I am not forcing anything. The current carries me easily. I let go of judgments about people, events, or my own feelings and see them all as part of life’s river, alive with motion and possibility. Every moment is a new opportunity to release expectation and just experience everything openheartedly: “Oh, this is happening now…” Living with all the doors and windows open, no barriers to what is showing up, is the perfect way to expand your inner being. Every river you jump into wholeheartedly will carry you to magical and undreamed of places that will feed your soul. Ride the current of your own heart’s desire, and you will come home to yourself, again and again.

 

 

Amma’s Hug

Photograph © 2016 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2016 Peggy Kornegger
For years I’ve wanted to see Amma, the “hugging saint,” considered to be an embodiment of the Divine Mother. Her appearances in the Boston area, however, have conflicted with Panache Desai’s summer programs at Omega Institute, so I’ve always chosen to go there instead. Ironically, it was Panache who recently provided me with the opportunity to see Amma in person. So often, life’s completely unanticipated events are filled with more magic than anything we could have planned. Therein lies a tale….

In early July, I flew to Washington DC for an Initiation weekend with Panache, which included a vibrational activation connecting participants to their essential divine self and life purpose. Those of us in attendance found ourselves immersed in profound divine connection and soul awareness, an experience that seems to expand exponentially at every one of his events. Within the larger group of 70, there were about 18 of us who have been taking part in an ongoing accelerated program (OAP) with him. On Saturday evening, after the Initiation finished for the day, Panache asked our OAP group if we would like to see Amma, whose weekend events were taking place not far from ours. And the adventure began.

Arriving in several cars, we gathered outside the main hall where the Atma Puja ceremony for world peace was soon to begin. Mind you, people arrive hours early for Amma’s events in order to get a seat and also to stand in line to receive a token that will allow them to stand in line again to receive a hug and blessing (darshan) from her. The hall was already filled to capacity, and we were redirected to the overflow hall, where the main-hall events could be seen on a large screen. We sat in one long row holding hands as the ceremony began. In both halls, hundreds of voices chanting in Sanskrit filled the air. I felt as if I were hearing all of India, all of humanity, calling for peace in those ancient sacred sounds that reverberated in my heart. Afterward, small cups of water blessed by Amma were passed out to everyone, and she herself spoke to the gathering, with a translator. More chanting, and then the ceremony ended, lasting about an hour and a half.

At this point we were going to leave. Panache, however, had something else in mind. He led us to the front entrance to the main hall, closest to the stage. We saw him consulting with several different Amma volunteers. Apparently, the protocol is that spiritual teachers who come to see other teachers are welcomed as honored guests, as are those with them. It seemed that we were going to be given tokens so that we could join the front of the line to receive darshan. We took off our shoes in preparation. Not so fast. One of the volunteers (who evidently did not know of this protocol) said that we were not allowed to be there and should leave. After much discussion, Panache told us that we were going to leave. Shoes back on, leaving. But wait. One of Amma’s assistants came up to Panache and told him not to leave, that everything could be arranged, that we just had to wait a half hour or so.

Over the next 2–3 hours of uncertain waiting, every time we decided to leave, this sweet assistant appeared and asked Panache to please stay, that all would be arranged. As a group, we surrendered the outcome again and again—yes, no, yes, no, yes…. Finally, five us were sent with tokens to join the line. Excitement! More than five would be too many, so the rest of us were just happy to hug the other five as they came back from being hugged by Amma. Okay, time to leave. Wait, no, the assistant appeared again: “Please stay, I think I can get more tokens for you.” We stayed. More time. Maybe we should leave. Then magically, the assistant brought back enough tokens for everyone who wanted to receive darshan. Not only that but they were “fast-track” tokens with tiny red circles on them.

I was among the last group of four to go. Within minutes, I went from no to yes to then following a volunteer around the back of the small stage where Amma sat, surrounded by helpers, and immediately up onto the stage to within a few yards of her. At this point, I entered a slightly dazed state, in which I stepped forward and did everything I was directed to do by the helpers: take off glasses, kneel, move forward inch by inch. Panache was ahead of me, so I was able to see him being hugged by Amma and the expression on his face afterward: sort of, well, dazed. Then I was immediately in front of Amma, and she drew me to her in a hug and said something that sounded like “my daughter, my daughter” in my ear. Her beautiful smiling gaze rested briefly on my face afterward, and light shone from her being. She radiated light, like the sun. I turned and slowly made my way back to the others on the opposite side of the hall, a rose petal gift in my hand.

The energy of the entire evening was so powerful that it raised us to a higher vibration—we could feel it. I can’t even say how much was Amma, how much Panache (who also embodies loving divine presence), how much the Atma Puja, and how much our group, which was so cohesive, so completely joined in oneness. The gestalt of it all taken together was mind-boggling. I learned something about destiny and synchronicity that night. We kept being shown over and over that we were meant to be there, having the experience that we were having. We surrendered, together, and were carried by that surrender. Right through the whole incredible weekend and back into our lives, changed.

As I look at people now, I see reflections of that radiant light-filled energy in every single face. We are the radiance we have sought so long outside our selves. Increasingly, at this amazing time of huge shifts in human awareness, we are realizing that we too carry within us a light that shines from our souls and moves us to live openheartedly, with absolute love for all beings, everywhere. Like a saint, like a smiling hugging saint.

 

The Pause

Photograph © 2012 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2012 Peggy Kornegger
Life can occasionally hand you a time-out whether you asked for it or not. It could take the form of a health challenge, a job loss, a missed connection, or a misunderstanding. You are zooming along nonstop when suddenly an impenetrable wall appears right in front of you. Bam! Stopped in your tracks. Sidelined. No way over, around, or through. You have to come to a halt, take a deep breath, and wait. The pause.

In our speedy multi-tasking world, we aren’t encouraged to see the importance of allowing for that pause. The usual message, from childhood on, is “pursue your goals, full speed ahead, and don’t let anything deter you.” Until we are forced to slow down and reevaluate, we don’t understand the key role of timing in our lives. However, if we look around at the natural world we are part of, timing is the basis of everything. Winter waits patiently for spring and the reappearance of green leaves and flowers. Animals and birds, as well as humans, wait weeks or months for the birth of their babies. Patience and timing are at the very core of life on Earth. To push against that is to cause ourselves unnecessary suffering.

As I faced an uncertain medical diagnosis recently, I repeatedly found myself in the position of waiting—for test results, for the next appointment, for a clearer diagnosis, etc. After the most recent doctor’s visit, I am still in that position. In fact, that seems to be part of the diagnosis: to wait and see if it stays the same, gets better, or gets worse. Status quo means all is well, for the moment. Such is life, really. It’s all a guide for living with awareness. The wisest approach is to live in the “wellness” of the moment. No one can predict what will occur next. So we “wait and see.”

What if we could realize that waiting is not stuckness but beingness? Each moment holds everything within it. If we rush past it, we lose all those precious seconds of everything. To be stopped by circumstance is a gift, a blessing. It allows us to look around and really see the world around us and within us. For our own mental, emotional, and spiritual health, we need time and space to just breathe and be. Out of that flexible state of presence, our next best version of ourselves emerges without effort or pushing. And it will only emerge in its own divine timing. Soul time. Not human clock time.

As I look at the waiting of the past couple of months, I see with more clarity how much was going on within that waiting. A greater wisdom, surrender, and dissolving of effort was arising in me. An integration of experience and emotions. We have to allow ourselves the pause that engenders awareness about what we are encountering in our lives. So let yourself be stopped, let yourself pause. Each day, everything is unfolding just perfectly, with impeccable timing….

“A delay isn’t a denial; it’s an opportunity to evolve.”—Panache Desai

 

Beyond the Threshold

Photograph © 2011 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2011 Peggy Kornegger
I have ridden a roller coaster of emotion in the last two months as I experienced the physical reality of an eye condition and the spiritual reality of its deeper alchemical meaning in my life. Panache Desai calls these dramatic moments “thresholds,” which bring us the opportunity to move more deeply into alignment with who we are at the soul level. Everything old that no longer fits with our authentic soul identity begins to dissolve or fall away. And that falling away can be so powerful that it sweeps you clean.

In essence, as I lived through these months, I have been losing the last residues of a past self. The protective self, who relied on hesitation, holding back, and escape routes to keep from being swallowed whole by the world. The self who wanted to be on perpetual retreat, far away from the madness, noise, and violence of a planet split by polarity and separation. Even though one part of me embraced life whole-heartedly, another part of me was frightened of seeing too much, feeling too much, and being overwhelmed by grief. This self arises from the planetary collective consciousness dominated by human suffering. We all have that self, and we all struggle to live with it somehow. I found that it was possible to let go into something beyond that.

As I faced fear, pain, and sadness and released a lifetime of holding back tears (in spite of being an active crier), I at last began to feel empty. My grief, both personal and empathically picked up from others, had moved through me. The self I had created to survive in the world had dissolved. It was as if nothing was left inside me but pure life energy. I was emptied of everything except soul, except spirit. What I was born as. What we are all born as. The abundance, love, and joy that is at the heart of all creation. This is what I felt coursing through my being. This is what I felt connected to all around me. It was everywhere and always had been.

My life has brought me to this point—my entire life, just as it was/is. Yes, the sadness and pain, but also the love and deep human connection; the diverse and wondrous experiences. Yet now it is time to shed the skin of the past and live fully in the new present that is evolving on this planet. I am setting aside whatever I have lived before with gratitude, and I am stepping into the lightness of being both one and One. In our unique individual one-ness, we are also connected to a greater Oneness that encompasses us all. I am we. I am universal consciousness expressing as Peggy. We are universal consciousness expressing as planet Earth. And it is all One. Universal consciousness expressing as universal consciousness everywhere simultaneously.

Moving forward, I am more and more aware of this greater consciousness of which I am a part. At the same time, I am very profoundly here. I am grounded in my life, but I am more than my life, as are we all. On this radically shifting planet of ours, we are each stepping over the threshold of our individual lives, our past realities, and embracing something so much bigger than we ever dreamed possible. In truth—divine universal truth—you are greater than the smallness you have always been told you are. You didn’t come to Earth to be oppressed or hated or made to suffer. We all came here to be magnificent and to celebrate one another’s magnificence. We were “born that way”—magnificent—and we are claiming our birthright. Now. It is time to live our souls full out…and never look back.

Surrender the Outcome

Photography © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
Photography © 2013 Peggy Kornegger
In the last month or so, I’ve been coming face to face with issues related to my physical body–specifically an eye diagnosis and more frequent migraine headaches. Since I am simultaneously participating in a yearlong accelerated program with Panache Desai, I’ve learned to look closely at everything I experience as part of that acceleration: What part of my soul’s journey is now being highlighted? I sometimes ask “Why?” too, but that question can be a distraction if it arises from fear or a sense of unfairness. What’s happening is happening; if I can accept and embrace it, the experience becomes fully integrated into my life.

So what about uncertain health diagnoses or physical pain? That is what is before me now. As humans, we resist this experience. I certainly have. So perhaps that is why it’s accelerating. Until I can fully accept all aspects of my physicality as part of my life experience, I will continue to suffer on some level. My human mind wants perfect health with no pain, so every time I am faced with something short of that mental construct, I resist what I am experiencing. The outcome that I hold tightly to is preventing me from flowing with my actual experience. The more I resist, the stronger the pain or unease.

It’s about surrender again, at a deeper level. I am being guided to release attachment to any outcome whatsoever. Perhaps even to reality itself. I’ve watched my eye diagnosis shape-shift over the past month or so, depending on which doctors I saw and which test they were looking at. Perhaps this particular health scenario is an encapsulated version of all of life. What we view as reality is always changing. Ultimately, everything is a continuously shifting illusion that we create in our minds (individually and collectively) to experience life as it passes before us. More simply: life happens; we then assign meaning to it, spinning the illusion of reality out of thin air. If we assign negative meaning, we are unhappy. If we assign positive meaning, we are pleased. But if we just observe life from a place of spacious awareness, allowing it to be a divinely orchestrated mystery, then we experience inner liberation.

There is a profound freedom in no longer being tied to specific outcomes or ways of seeing the world. In doing so, we are entering the realm of the soul, the god consciousness that lives within. Our souls have no opinions or agenda. They are just witnessing life peacefully, here solely for the experience of it and their own evolution. When I open to my soul’s full emergence, my mind steps into the background and releases the reins of control. I am no longer mentally committed to any particular version of reality; I’m just “along for the ride.” I begin to flow with life.

Not the easiest path to access, especially when facing health issues, as I am. The external world continually pulls me in the opposite direction. Still, when I take time to connect to my own inner peace, I am less tightly tied to outcome. I feel lighter, freer, more open to all possibilities. Many of us are facing crossroads like this in life. I believe that is one reason we are here on this planet at this particular time: to finally let go of the mind’s centuries-long control and allow the soul to be the divining rod of our earthly lives. To release the illusion of certainty and embrace an ever-evolving mystery. May we all find our way home to that very wise, soulful part of ourselves.