Tag: trust

Show Up, Be Open

Photograph © 2018 Peggy Kornegger
At times we approach our lives with reluctance, dragging our feet. Attached to the past, apprehensive about the future, we are not fully present to what is happening now. Fear or regret keep us trapped in a repetitive pattern of non-acceptance and non-alignment with the events of life. From the outside, we may look like we’re here, but in truth we are absent. We’ve closed the door to possibility and locked it tightly, believing we are protecting ourselves from disappointment or disaster. However, in shutting down, we lose connection to the threads that tie everything together so perfectly in life’s tapestry. We feel lost and alone. Is it possible to get our bearings and experience connection once again? Absolutely.

In my own life, I find more and more that if I’m willing to be open to whatever is unfolding, that openness transforms my experience in completely unexpected ways. There is a magic that occurs when you just show up in life moment to moment without an agenda, a to-do list, or any preconceptions. In the stillness of Nature, this is easy, but recently I experienced it in one of the most crowded, noisy places imaginable: New York City.

My partner, Anne, and I were celebrating our 35th anniversary, and we had matinee tickets for Dear Evan Hansen. In the back of our heads, however, we also wanted to see Hamilton, even though tickets are hard to get and extremely expensive. We wondered what would happen if we went by the theater to see if anything was available for that night’s show. So we did. There were, of course, no seats, but they told us we could stand in the cancellations line in case something opened up. We decided to come back at 5 after our matinee.

Dear Evan Hansen was amazing and deeply moving, and we left tearfully uplifted, in a daze of emotion. The Hamilton theater was right around the corner, and the cancellations line already had several people in it. We joined them. No expectations, just for the adventure of seeing what would unfold. We spent the next three hours having a great time talking with other people in line from all over the world. The suspense grew as curtain time drew closer.

Then at 10 minutes before 8, someone from the box office came and said to us, “Follow me.” Within 5 minutes, we had tickets (not scalped and thus less expensive) and were ushered to seventh-row-center orchestra seats!! We were so thrilled we were speechless, and we watched the show (one of the best theater experiences ever) practically levitating with excitement. What an incredible anniversary gift!

I feel certain we would have been just fine if no seats had become available since we already were in such an appreciative happy mood. Perhaps it was just that state of being that opened the doors of possibility to even more joy and abundance. The key, it seems, is to appreciate every moment no matter what occurs. The greater wisdom is to be open to all experiences, not just the “good” ones. To realize that all of life is a blessing, even the perceived challenges. We can live our lives like this all the time, trusting, welcoming it all. We don’t have to wait for a “perfect” day or event. Every day, every moment, is perfect for opening your heart and feeling a connection to the magical energy of life flowing through you.

 

Bliss and Bangs on the Head

Photograph © 2016 Peggy Kornegger
Sometimes life is a joyful dance, and sometimes it just hurts, like a really bad headache. When things get difficult, you may feel that you are being punished for failing some invisible test of your character. Or, dramatically, that you are Sisyphus pushing a boulder uphill, only to watch it roll back down again. This is the human view, thinking we are in complete control of our lives and have made a mistake when things aren’t going well. In truth, we are not in single-handed control, and there are no mistakes. Everything that occurs in your life has been envisioned by God and your soul to bring you to greater awareness of the absolute perfection of every moment.

As we progress on the spiritual path, we gradually learn that sacred Source energy is present in every single experience. It’s in the goose bumps and tears of blissful connection to something greater as well as in the sudden harsh twist of fate that stops you in your tracks and diverts you to a new destination. It’s the hard stuff as well as the celestial celebration. It’s all divinely orchestrated Grace, designed to move you ever closer to complete alignment with your soul. It opens you to seeing that God/dess is present in absolutely every situation and scenario, in every person and event.

I have encountered this lesson again and again when my thinking mind jumps in with a judgment about what is occurring instead of accepting it all as part of my soul’s evolution. Gradually I am learning to trust that there is always a hidden blessing in what seems like a difficult challenge or painful experience. The times when I cry with frustration or hurt are as sacred as the times when I cry with joy at feeling God’s presence. Nothing on my life’s path is meant to torture me, only to expand my awareness of the divine connection that exists all the time within me.

So I continue. Each day is a new opportunity to see with my soul’s eyes and live in full awareness of that unbroken connection. That is why we are here on Earth—to experience it all and know it is all God. And to know ourselves as God as well. There is nothing that is not that infinite cosmic consciousness that we have named God or Goddess, or perhaps more appropriately the “Great Mystery.” We try to understand and explain with logic why things are happening the way they are, but that really leads us nowhere, except to pushing another rock uphill. If I let go completely and trust that it’s all unfolding just as it’s meant to, stress and expectation fall away, and I am at peace in the center of my life.

Peace of mind is what lies waiting for us when we surrender thinking to just being, allowing everything and everyone to just be as well. Peace on earth begins with peace of mind, and peace of mind comes from deep awareness at the soul level. This is where we are all headed. If you or I sometimes forget, that is fine too because really we can’t fail. We are evolving and expanding into complete fulfillment of our destiny as conscious spirit in physical form. Actually, it already exists within us. Take a deep, fully conscious breath, and you are there—now.

 

Glimpses of God

Those of us who have been on a spiritual path for twenty or thirty years know firsthand that there is no fast track to enlightenment. No door that can be forced open by sheer will power, on the other side of which God sits waiting. No treasure chest that a special secret code can spring open. Detective work and safe-cracking tools will get you nowhere, except back to where you started from, learning again and again to sit quietly and open your heart to the God within. Our lifetime search brings us home to ourselves, realizing at last that God is everywhere and everything, including us.

That realization is a reflection of our connection to universal consciousness (another name for God), and it does not occur overnight, transforming us instantly to an enlightened being of light. The truth, of course, is that we are already that at the soul level. It is our awareness that is evolving and expanding. And this is a gradual process. It requires patience and a commitment to experiencing both the presence and seeming absence of divine connection as we move forward. The light within us, our soul, is awakening us slowly to the powerful cosmic light that permeates everything in the universe. Just as we can’t look directly at the sun with our human eyes, our human form can’t immediately take in the overwhelming power of the divine light that is God. As we evolve here on planet Earth, we are gradually coming to a point at which we can fully embody the light and experience God within ourselves, just as the ancient mystics did.

Meanwhile, on the way, we catch glimpses of God. The power of these experiences is so all-consuming that many times we believe we have arrived, that we are Home permanently with God, fully “enlightened.” Not so fast. As the weeks pass, the powerful experience fades, and we may feel as if we’ve lost it all. Untrue. With each glimpse, our recognition of our connection deepens. Our soul steps more to the forefront of our daily experience, and the personality self, or ego, takes a back seat. Eventually, there is nothing but soul, nothing but God awareness, cosmic consciousness. But in the human frame of reference, this takes time. After all, this is a journey to eternity, not a weekend workshop.

So we continue. We learn to trust, surrender, and have faith in an eternal presence, even if we are not entirely conscious of it at the moment. With each letting go, our awareness expands, and we open ourselves to ever-deeper experiences of, and merging with, God. Samadhi, union with the Divine, lives within us, and as we evolve, its presence permeates every cell with greater, and more indelible, power. After we have experienced our first glimpse of God, this is what we live for. It is a longing for complete oneness, which we return to again and again with each experience. The glimpses may last longer and be more all consuming as we progress, but the secret is to just be present for whatever occurs and trust that God’s timing is perfect. Your awareness will flower completely when it is meant to. Your soul knows the divine plan by heart.

 

Shiva, Irma…and Faith

Photograph © 2017 Peggy Kornegger
Shiva is the power of destruction, dissolution, or transformation in our lives. Nothing entirely new and innovative can be created without this strong, and often unsettling, force that turns the tables on the status quo, normality, and habituation. Without Shiva, our lives would be dull and uneventful—one long Groundhog Day, playing the same scene over and over again. Yet the word destruction strikes fear in our hearts; we freeze at the very thought of losing what is dear to us. Of losing everything.

Hurricanes like Irma, Maria, and Harvey embody this extreme aspect of Shiva. Monumental raging winds and rising water completely obliterate the old, often leaving thousands homeless and grieving the deaths of friends and family. In the aftermath, something new is eventually created, but loss of home and loss of life are not easily assimilated or accepted. Those affected may experience emotional trauma as well as financial burdens. These human crises break our hearts. How do we face life at times like these?

Not easy. Granted, hurricanes are not daily occurrences, but loss of one kind or another is. There is not a day that passes in our lives that we don’t lose something—or believe that we do. Life on Earth brings us face to face with the end of relationships, jobs, living situations, and life itself. We cannot avoid it. Grief at times like these is entirely natural, but our beliefs about those experiences shape what comes after. Unless we can move on and create something new afterward, despair may take hold. This is where faith comes in. Trust in some greater, ultimately benevolent presence in the universe, and in the compassion of our fellow human beings. Belief in a positive outcome, whatever the circumstance.

Recently, I took part in a weekend spiritual retreat that was the energetic equivalent of a hurricane. Everything that had been superimposed on my soul’s essence over the years was wiped out, dissolved. This had been happening bit by bit anyway, but now I was becoming something like a clean slate. There was nothing to attach the memories of my old self to anymore. Both liberating and painful. The painful part was that my recent experiences of oneness and illumination were also gone—or at least seemingly so. I could feel no connection to God whatsoever. Or to anything or anyone else. I felt as if I were ghost-walking through my own life, lost and alone. An island on which all lines of communication have been knocked out.

Gradually, however, I began to gain some insight into what was occurring. I was being asked to go further and dive deeper—beyond surrender and trust, to faith. Faith that God, or Goddess, was present even when I couldn’t feel that presence. Faith that everything was happening for a reason: to ultimately bring me to an even more expansive awareness of God/dess within me. I couldn’t completely experience that until what had come before had been dissolved. Within spaciousness, life unfolds, the Divine manifests. Slowly, this has occurred, like restoring downed lines after a hurricane. Day by day, moment by moment, I am feeling divine connection again, and with it, a deeper faith in its ever-presence, which reconnects me to the world as well.

This kind of process can be set in motion by any great loss or unforeseen ending, in the course of which we are swept clean and sent on our way again to experience life at a deeper level, beyond what we thought was final. We learn that even in the worst of times, if we reach out to one another and open ourselves to new beginnings, we will survive. Faith replaces fear. It is the bird singing in the darkness, reminding us that dawn is at hand.

Often we believe death to be the ultimate ending, but it too is transition, transformation. God consciousness, embodied in you and me, is never-ending. Our souls know this, and it is this inner faith that will carry us forward if we experience loss or disconnection. Eventually, the creative force of life fills us with divine energy, and we are transformed yet again through the powerful hidden blessing that is Shiva.

 

The Deepest Peace

© 2016 Anne S. Katzeff / Artist
© 2016 Anne S. Katzeff / Artist

I have discovered that the more I want a situation or person to either change or stay the same, the more I suffer. Yet I have also found that there is a peaceful core within me that understands impermanence and nonattachment. These two Buddhist principles have helped me accept the transitory nature of life. When I am deep in meditation, experiencing profound inner peace, I see clearly the truth of impermanence (nothing, good or bad, ever stays the same) and how letting go of attachment to a particular outcome frees me from the mental/emotional habits of the personality self. At the soul level, all is well, unfolding perfectly for my own expansion and evolution.

Embracing impermanence and nonattachment has been a gradual process for me, over many years. They used to be just concepts that I thought sounded good but I couldn’t really connect to experientially. Lately, however, as my spiritual awareness has deepened, those two insights have risen to the forefront of my consciousness. I often repeat them to myself like mantras to access the peace within me, which they are an integral part of. This is the soul’s peace, which does not judge or have opinions; it just witnesses. And from the witness’s point of view, it does not matter if something or someone changes or not. It’s all part of a greater picture that I, as a human being, have a limited ability to see in its entirety. I just have to trust in my soul’s perception (and in God) and surrender to the power of a divine purpose in everything.

Surrender and trust have also been key to letting go within my own life. They, too, accompany the experience of inner peace that I am connecting to more and more. There is a reason why these principles have been around for thousands of years and have been at the core of the teachings of great spiritual masters. They bring us to a place of flow in our lives, accepting “what is” and aligning with the continuous fluctuations of human existence. This is a time on Earth when the voices and energetic imprints of the greatest teachers are becoming more available to everyone. Their wisdom and beingness within the collective consciousness are here to help us as we move into our own wisdom and life mastery.

Events in the world, and particularly within this country, are now making it essential for us to live in connection with our souls, accessing the deeper truths about life and living. In an environment in which people are being persecuted because of bigotry and prejudice, where is justice? How do we live with this? How do we love all of humanity when some are acting in destructive, hateful ways? This is the challenge of our times: to live in such a way that our own souls’ wisdom and light affect the collective consciousness in a positive way. If we believe that love is stronger than hate, and peace more powerful than fear, then we need to live that in every moment. For ourselves and for everyone who crosses our path. When we shift our own energy out of judgment and outrage, then everything begins to shift around us. The peaceful soul brings peace to the world. As I see it, this is how we are evolving as a people and as a planet within a huge constantly changing universe. May we all help each other find our way again and again to deep inner peace.