Tag: spirit

Beyond the Threshold

Photograph © 2011 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2011 Peggy Kornegger
I have ridden a roller coaster of emotion in the last two months as I experienced the physical reality of an eye condition and the spiritual reality of its deeper alchemical meaning in my life. Panache Desai calls these dramatic moments “thresholds,” which bring us the opportunity to move more deeply into alignment with who we are at the soul level. Everything old that no longer fits with our authentic soul identity begins to dissolve or fall away. And that falling away can be so powerful that it sweeps you clean.

In essence, as I lived through these months, I have been losing the last residues of a past self. The protective self, who relied on hesitation, holding back, and escape routes to keep from being swallowed whole by the world. The self who wanted to be on perpetual retreat, far away from the madness, noise, and violence of a planet split by polarity and separation. Even though one part of me embraced life whole-heartedly, another part of me was frightened of seeing too much, feeling too much, and being overwhelmed by grief. This self arises from the planetary collective consciousness dominated by human suffering. We all have that self, and we all struggle to live with it somehow. I found that it was possible to let go into something beyond that.

As I faced fear, pain, and sadness and released a lifetime of holding back tears (in spite of being an active crier), I at last began to feel empty. My grief, both personal and empathically picked up from others, had moved through me. The self I had created to survive in the world had dissolved. It was as if nothing was left inside me but pure life energy. I was emptied of everything except soul, except spirit. What I was born as. What we are all born as. The abundance, love, and joy that is at the heart of all creation. This is what I felt coursing through my being. This is what I felt connected to all around me. It was everywhere and always had been.

My life has brought me to this point—my entire life, just as it was/is. Yes, the sadness and pain, but also the love and deep human connection; the diverse and wondrous experiences. Yet now it is time to shed the skin of the past and live fully in the new present that is evolving on this planet. I am setting aside whatever I have lived before with gratitude, and I am stepping into the lightness of being both one and One. In our unique individual one-ness, we are also connected to a greater Oneness that encompasses us all. I am we. I am universal consciousness expressing as Peggy. We are universal consciousness expressing as planet Earth. And it is all One. Universal consciousness expressing as universal consciousness everywhere simultaneously.

Moving forward, I am more and more aware of this greater consciousness of which I am a part. At the same time, I am very profoundly here. I am grounded in my life, but I am more than my life, as are we all. On this radically shifting planet of ours, we are each stepping over the threshold of our individual lives, our past realities, and embracing something so much bigger than we ever dreamed possible. In truth—divine universal truth—you are greater than the smallness you have always been told you are. You didn’t come to Earth to be oppressed or hated or made to suffer. We all came here to be magnificent and to celebrate one another’s magnificence. We were “born that way”—magnificent—and we are claiming our birthright. Now. It is time to live our souls full out…and never look back.

Birth Pains of a New Planet

Photograph © 2015 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2015 Peggy Kornegger

The daily news is full of distressing world events. Terrorist attacks, lockdowns, drones, guns, and the targeting of entire religions, races, or nationalities as enemies. Racism, homophobia, violence against women, bullying—these too are pervasive. There is no doubt that much of the planet is living through turmoil. Many people are reacting within themselves to this turmoil, experiencing chronic depression, emotional upheaval, or physical/mental breakdown. In one way or another, we are all affected by events in the world and in the lives of those we care about. Still, beneath those events is the transformative energy of a planet in transition. The old age and the new age are engaged in a vibrational dance-off, and something entirely new is being born. The planet’s vibration is shifting radically, and our vibrations are shifting right along with it. Yes, change can be unsettling and frightening, but it also can be exhilarating and hopeful.

We hear lots about fear, violence, and conflict at both the global and the individual levels; yet, that is not all that exists. Stories of compassion, courage, mutual aid, and loving-kindness are under-reported, but they occur, as do stories about the spirit of people in the midst of crisis. The website Positive News (http://www.positivenewsus.org/) posts less-publicized accounts of the lives and experiences of people around the world who are taking positive action for peace, harmony, and global oneness. These are individuals and groups who live love day to day in their homes and communities as they step out of separation and embrace others as sisters and brothers. In that embrace is the beginning of the end of “otherness.” Through compassionate action, sharing, kindness, and mutual regard, these people are making a difference in the world. Small scale becomes large scale person by person.

The extreme polarities (love/hatred, war/peace, oneness/separation) that we are seeing now are all part of the planetary shift Earth is experiencing. No matter what you see in the external world or in the media, something greater is being birthed on our planet. At the deepest level, it is the full expression of love itself, the complete embodiment of spirit in human form, and the conscious awareness of the divinity that lives within each of us. That may sound like spiritual nonsense or utterly utopian and unrealistic when you look around at the anguish so prevalent in the world or in the lives of those we love. Still, ancient cultures have foreseen and spoken of this time. It’s not just wishful thinking or uninformed naiveté. The wisdom of elders in many cultures tells us that “now is the time” and “we are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”

This past Christmas Eve, I watched a late-night program called “May Peace Prevail on Earth.” Broadcast nationally and viewable online, it was organized by the United Religions Initiative and was meant to be a bridge between those of varied religions, spiritual beliefs, cultures, and backgrounds. The diversity of those participating was both impressive and grounded in a visible sense of community among those speaking, singing, dancing, offering prayers, and lighting candles. To me, it was a hopeful sign, that there are more and more people and groups dedicated to oneness and community instead of divisiveness and separation.

So if you listen to the mainstream news, don’t forget that it’s not the whole story. Those who pay for these newscasts benefit from keeping people uninformed, fearful, and powerless. We don’t have to buy into that reality. We can choose to love one another. That’s how a new planet is birthed. It may not be easy or clean or quick, but eventually, something miraculous appears. A new planet is being born, and we are the midwives. We are the newborn as well. In the midst of chaos, new life comes into being, and new being comes to life. Each of us is a miracle moving down the birth canal to emerge onto a light-filled planet, full of infinite possibility.

 

We Are Infinity

Photograph © 2015 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2015 Peggy Kornegger
“You are here to demonstrate what infinity looks like.”—Panache Desai

I have carried a fear of infinity within me my entire life. Fear isn’t even the most accurate description. It was mind-freezing terror that kept me awake at night as a five-year-old child, imagining a universe that went on “forever and ever.” Religion can sometimes provide comfort to those fearing death, but I was not raised within that structure, and actually, death was not exactly the issue. As I grew up, the “answers” of traditional religion (eternal life) and atheism (eternal nonbeing) were equally frightening to me because they were both eternal. Yes, of course, death was scary, but it was what came after death that was terrifying to me. Eternity. Infinity.

I learned to distract myself from the fear as I grew older, but it never really disappeared. It just lurked in the background, making an appearance at unpredictable times, like when I took an astronomy class in college (which gave me actual visuals of infinity!). Sometime prehistory could set it off too. No one I knew quite understood what I was talking about, so I felt very alone with this extreme awareness of eternity and the accompanying extreme fear. I carried it inside me like an unwelcome guest. Many years later, when I was in my 40s and embarking on a spiritual path, I would ask various teachers about it but never received guidance that was particularly helpful. They too looked at me with lack of understanding. That is, until I met Panache Desai.

Panache, who has been my teacher and friend for several years now, has the uncanny ability to feel what others are feeling, from the inside. He never questioned my fear or its hold on me. In my first individual session with him, he just took me to infinity—a place of utter peace and divine tranquility. Thus began a timeless journey to embrace something I had held at bay all my life. It has been a gradual process: a letting go or surrender to a power much greater than the mental fear in which I had been trapped.

My first epiphany, after turning around to face what I had run from for so long, was that it was my mind that was terrified. My soul has no fear of infinity, because it is infinity. What a realization that was! Actually, it was Panache’s teachings about infinity and divinity as one and the same that helped me realize this. Through my work with him as well as my own experiences, I came to see the Infinite and the Divine in all things everywhere, in the world as well as within myself—my core essence or soul. My conscious awareness that “everything is God” has deepened and expanded, especially this past year when I took part in a yearlong acceleration program with him. That program culminated in a transformative weekend event, Global Gathering 2015 (see my last blog article, “Soul Reunion”).

At GG15, any remaining distinction between infinity and divinity that my brain held onto was washed away in a wave of divine energy that carried the codes for awakening and embodiment of spirit within it. As the energy coursed through my physical body (transmitted vibrationally via Panache in sessions), every separation fell away, every fear fell away. All that existed was beingness, oneness. I was simultaneously empty and filled. The transmission was so powerful that there was a paradigm shift within me: my soul took the lead, and my mind stepped into a support role. What I had been moving toward for years came into full presence in a nanosecond. Afterward, I could barely speak coherently, let alone write, but gradually I was able to articulate the essence of what I had experienced: I am infinite. I am divine. Infinity is divinity. On this rapidly evolving planet of ours, we are now beginning to fully and fearlessly live the truth of that. We are human beings with infinite souls. We are infinity.

Trust

Photograph © 2015 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2015 Peggy Kornegger
For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to experience it all—everything. Live in different places, travel to different countries, work in different jobs, expand into different identities. I did not want to be stuck in any one location or persona all my life. For the most part, I’ve lived that. My life has been full of change and exploration: shifting experiences that have opened me to a continuously growing beingness in the world. Only recently, however, have I come to know the shadow side to that inner desire: regret, fear of missing something. This too is a part of the human quest for a fully lived life.

This past August my high school graduating class held a large reunion celebration in Lockport, Illinois, where I grew up. For various reasons (travel logistics, other events scheduled that same month), I did not attend. A few days afterward, when individuals began to post photographs of the weekend, I began to feel a deep sadness that I had missed out on something very special: the opportunity to see again friends I hadn’t seen in decades, some whom I had known since first grade. I couldn’t shake it for days, and a week later, I experienced similar pain at not being able to attend a six-day intensive spiritual immersion. It was Panache Desai who pointed out to me the unconscious pattern of regret that I had been carrying inside me, a fear that I would miss out on something extraordinary that everyone else was experiencing. Bringing it into my conscious awareness helped me see it pop up in other ways in my life.

Even in my spiritual practice, I found it intertwined with my deepest desire for divine connection. There it was: Fear that I would be somewhere else when everyone else got “enlightened.” Fear that I would miss hearing the key words of wisdom that would open the door to samadhi, awakened oneness. Fear that I would never experience again the expanded consciousness that embraced infinity and God as part of me, as part of everything. Within my most profound spiritual experiences and connection to something greater lay a fear that I might be missing something or I might lose what I had found. And at the heart of that fear was the issue of trust, surrender.

The more I surrender in my life, the more I see that needs to be surrendered to. I thought I had reached the deepest possible acceptance of “all that is.” I had recognized and embraced the divine orchestration of everything in life. Yet, there I was, feeling that I had somehow made a mistake in not attending a high school reunion or a spiritual retreat. Inside me was a kernel of apprehension that I might miss something KEY to my own evolution as a human being, as awakened spirit. The next step, of course, was to surrender to that too. Accepting the fear itself as part of being human opened the door to a deeper letting go.

With that surrender came another level of realization: that there are no mistakes. I’m always where I’m supposed to be for my soul’s experience and growth on Earth. Spirit has the road map for my human journey, and there is never a wrong turn. Wherever I am, all is in divine order, always. It’s about trust. Trust in something greater and wiser than my own mind’s idea of what I should be doing or experiencing. More and more, I am letting go into infinite unquestioning. I still want to experience everything, but I also have faith that wherever I am and whatever I’m doing is perfect beyond my human understanding. Ultimately, I am surrendering to trust itself. As Panache often says: “Your soul has already chosen. You’re just along for the ride.”

Spirit of the Garden

Photograph © 2015 Peggy Kornegger
Photograph © 2015 Peggy Kornegger

In my flower garden, I encounter all of life on a daily basis. I am also continually given opportunities to practice classic spiritual principles: Be in present-moment awareness. Accept what is. Let go of all attachments to a particular outcome. Each one is perfectly applicable to both gardening and living. Nature doesn’t play by human rules or expectations. Nature just is. Entering the natural world that surrounds us brings us home to a part of ourselves that often gets lost in the clock-centered busyness of daily life.

When I walk through my back door in the early morning stillness, I am met with a presence that I would call sacred. Neighbors still asleep, traffic sounds distant and minimal. I am alone with the beauty of the green and growing Earth, my eyes clear and open to all that is before me: nature in living color and infinite variety. Immediately I am completely engaged and present. Thinking has faded to the background, and I am just being. When I look at each blooming lily or rose, there is no separation. The flowers and I are one in the spirit of life that flows through us. Standing beneath a towering maple tree, I am drawn into the silence that holds both of us in timeless being. I AM. The tree IS. We are both part of a consciousness that links every living thing on Earth and in the cosmos. Each morning becomes a meditation in slow motion that centers me in the now and eases me into my day.

The actual work of gardening—seeding, planting, weeding, pruning—is another practice that both engages me and teaches me acceptance of all that is. The past winter’s cold has killed my butterfly bush as well as several other perennials. My native honeysuckle, covered with bright red blossoms, has aphids that are eating the new buds. Finding replacement plants and removing insects and dead leaves are all part of gardening. Within that process of letting go of the old and welcoming the new, I surrender to the flow of life, with both sadness and celebration. The garden teaches me to hold it all in my heart without judgment or distress. Every day is a new opportunity to embrace each event in my life and in my garden. When I have sudden unexpected expenses or a painful migraine headache, I am reminded that living includes these challenges as well as the joys of laughing with friends, listening to music, or watching a glorious red sunset after a dramatic thunderstorm. To be human is to encounter all parts of the experiential spectrum.

Gardening immerses me in nature, but it also aligns me with divine presence. My soul is with me in the garden. In truth, my soul is with me everywhere. And it is being in presence within my garden that teaches me this. There is nowhere and nothing that is not filled with spirit, that is not God experiencing life on Earth in a multitude of forms and expressions, including human. We are so much more than we think we are, and it is only in not thinking but just being present that we experience that expansive awareness. Heaven is here on Earth, and when we realize that, we see paradise everywhere we go.